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Joke Contest: Results!
It's been a while - so you can refresh your memory about this contest here.
There were 291 entries... so please, pity the judges who had to wade through the mire to bring you our top 7 jokes. 8, actually, because the two biggest vote-getters were submitted by the same person; one of the rules says you can only win once. We'll show you both jokes, but he'll get only one action figure for them.
So, without further ado... THE WINNERS (in a rather obscure order):
Q: How many Halo fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seven; one to change the lightbulb, one to change the lightbulb again but without using their hands, one to videotape the no-hands lightbulb-changing and turn it into a music video, one to be the voice actor for the lightbulb in said video and yell "I'm screwed!", one whose cousin once worked at a lightbulb factory and has information about a rumored, much brighter lightbulb, one to speculate about why the lightbulb needed to be changed and who installed the first lightbulb to begin with, and one trying to convince all the others that the lightbulb is actually just a modern version of a candle which was much better.
Submitted by: Vid Boi
[Note: this joke was the only one to receive votes from every single judge.]
There once was a guy from Reach
Who got killed on Cartographer Beach
An Elite's plasma shot
Turned his armor white hot
But it saved him a fortune in bleach
Submitted by: Vid Boi
Why did the prophet cross the road?
Heretic! None dare question the motives of the hierarch!
Submitted by: HavokBlue
A spartan, a marine, a helljumper, an ODST, a pilot, a crewman, a sergeant, an elite, a grunt, a hunter, a jackal, a prophet, a brute, a heretic, a flood combat form, a sentinel, and a monitor all go into a bar. The bartender says "Alright, now we are over the fire limit, you all have to leave."
Submitted by: ManKitten
Exhausted with her husband spending countless hours in front of the television playing Halo, a wife begs her husband to stop letting his 'mind rot out' and to focus on literature and the fine arts as a way to spend time.
After months of her efforts badgering her husband to quit his game, he finally submits and joins her in frequent trips to the opera and quiet evenings, nestled up next to a fire with a good book. After a few weeks, the wife is so pleased with her husband, she offers to let him play Halo again, and because he would participate in her activities, she would watch him play.
After a few hours, the wife, attempting to find a meaningful message in Halo, chimed in to her husband, "Halo is such a romantic story, the Master Chief and Cortana have the essential elements for a healthy relationship."
She continued, "They rely on each other and work as a team, each one being equal. They go to exotic places together and face all of their battles as one. Not to mention the jewelry."
"Jewelry?" the husband asked, confused.
"Oh yes," she said, "the Master Chief gave Cortana a ring 10,000 kilometers in diameter! Halo is a wonderful love story, don't you agree? It can really apply to our relationship."
"You're right," the husband decided, after some thought, "Halo does have a lot in common with a great love story - a man gives a woman a ring, symbolizing the destruction of all life in his galaxy."
Submitted by: Kelly Main
Q: How many Elites does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to declare it the prophet's will, and one to realise there is no lightbulb, kill the other two, and join the humans in installing THEIR lightbulb.
Submitted by: Ename Nep
Two UNSC Marines walk into a bar. They sit down and order a drink. After a few rounds, one marine turns to the other and says:
"Know the hardest thing about being a helljumper? THE GROUND!!! Hahahaha..."
Second guy says:
"Stuntmutt did it."
First guy stops laughing and tries another one:
"What do you call a Warthog with it's wheels blown off? A GROUNDHOG!!! Hahahaha.."
"Stuntmutt did it."
"Huh...well, did you hear the one about the Jackal who's beam rifle overheated? His.."
"His goose was cooked...yeah...yeah...yeah...Stuntmutt did that one too."
"Damn it!!! Is there anything Stuntmutt hasn't done already?"
"Yeah...win a game."
Submitted by: Sporkfoot
Why is a hunters head 1/20th the size of its body?
I dont know but I wouldn't make fun of them for it.
Submitted by: Adam Chapman
In addition to these winners, there was one, from our friendly neighborhood punmangler, that narrowly missed getting enough votes for a win - but which was such a convoluted attempt that I thought it was worthy of honorable mention:
A concerned Forerunner scientist wandered into a nature reserve he had never previously noticed in search of inspiration.
He came upon two other Forerunners by the side of a lake, who beckoned him over.
"Sir, please join us," they implored him. "We wish to take refreshment, but if there is just the two of us a harsh charge is levied. Should you join us, our party will be large enough that our refreshment will come at no cost."
Intrigued, the scientist joined them. He watched as the other other two Forerunners produced fish they had caught from the lake. With deft movements, they filleted certain parts from the fish heads, dropping them into a small cauldron of bubbling liquid.
Presently, and with much ceremony, they passed the scientist a small cup of the resulting infusion. He sipped it warily, but found it to be quite the most exquisite brew he had ever sampled.
"Friends," he said, "you have given me exactly what I was looking for. I shall go hence and begin work on my greatest creation yet, which I wil name after this place - the Free For Three Gill Tea's Park."
Submitted by: Stuntmutt
Thanks to all who submitted entries! Winners will be contacted by email for mailing addresses.
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