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Comments for 'The Fallen: Finding MJOLNIR' |
Cyclone
6:51 am | December 18, 2003
Well, I kinda want to say that SaGe ScOrPiOn was a little harsh on you, but that's me speaking... anyways. I haven't even written a story yet, so I don't have much room to speak, but I think it would be advantageous for you to read The Fall of Reach, because that does give a lot of backstory that's essential to the Halo setting. Also, it's a damn good book.
As for writing a story, I think that if you stick true to the real storyline of Halo, and then go off on your own from there, it'd flow easier and be better recieved by your peers in the fan-fic community. I'd say the essential canon backstory that you need would be... sometime after the Spartans recieve the MJOLNIR armor. After all, there's 20 years in between that point in the history and the events of Halo itself.
Anyways. The whole point of this... slew of words that I've dumped on you is that you really should learn the complete backstory of Halo so that you're better prepared to write a fanfic that fits into or successfully spins off of the Halo setting. I hope this helps out a bit, and maybe someday I'll follow my own advice and write a story myself. Who knows?
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Hikaru-119
3:27 pm | December 15, 2003
Your story scares me. Congrats it takes alot to do that. Most of the reasons are from everyone else's posts.
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SaGe ScOrPiOn
1:50 pm | December 15, 2003
I would like to add to what Walker said. You have a UNSC Special Forces soldier being given his MJOLNIR armor, having never been given any muscle or bone augmentation, or any reflex quickening enhancements. I know that you say at the end that the augmentations will happen in the second one, but that is completely wrong. All of the SPARTANs were chosen from childhood and trained and slowly given the augmentations. There's no way that it would be possible to become a SPARTAN in one day. Read "The Fall of Reach" before you write any more. And it is my suggestion to you that you discontinue this series, because it is going down the path of a bad "Fall of Reach". Sorry bud, but it's just not that original, and it's badly written, AND it is inaccurate. Dude, this sucks. Ass.
P.S. It's Titanium-A battle plate, not Titanium 3.
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Mainevent
4:41 pm | December 14, 2003
Are you calling walker fat? ;)
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AmokTheClown
1:14 pm | December 14, 2003
fat fingers.... i meant Walker.... oops
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AmokTheClown
1:09 pm | December 14, 2003
that reminded me something of the bible... and james begat jonah, and jonah begat nathan who fucked shirley and had a twisted little kid called ronnie that started a fast food chain. n e way, walked hit the proverbial nail right on the head. but its your first go, i know i didn't get it right on my first shot. have another crack, i'm looking forward to your next part...
besides spelling, grammar and the like...
6.9/10
keep it up....
(give your lead character more substance)
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SOS.Odin
1:23 am | December 14, 2003
yeah
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Awacar
6:08 pm | December 13, 2003
That was a big block of text! Thank god it wasn't as long as my first blocks.
For advice: Read Walkers post, follow it to the letter and you'll do just fine.
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Walker
1:14 pm | December 13, 2003
Learn this:
1) Indentation and new paragraphs are vital to your survival.Indent on new paragraphs, and make a new paragraph for every new speaker.
2) Corps does not need a period after it, it is a word. At least you knew how to spell it, unlike some who seem to think it's "Core".
3) It's United Nations Space Command, not United Nations Space Corps.
4) Use a spell-checker.
5) It's Covenant, not Covenate.
6) End your stories at the end. You ended yours at what felt like the middle.
Follow my advice for the next chapter, and you should do fine.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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