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Comments for 'Halo: The Lost Batallion' |
Steve
5:04 am | June 29, 2004
Yes, I know some of this doesn't make sense and some things aren't right, but that was because I rushed it an forgot to add the details that mattered, I thank you for pointing them out cause I didn't noitce til I re-read it. and in Part II I still have a few things to work out, but in Part III I'll do my best to explain everything. Sorry, for the inconvience.
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Nick Kang
1:35 pm | June 20, 2004
The story was okay, and there were a LOT of mistakes in there.
So basically the only USEFUL thing you're adding is the 5x scope? Cause the BR fires three-shot bursts when unzoomed. You could just pump the trigger and have automatic fire. The BR fires single shots when zoomed in, so that may help a little.
(Sorry if I was too critical)
NK
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Solidus Snake
1:03 am | June 20, 2004
So your gonna explain everything in the next chapter that I'm hoping is longer and more detailed?
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Steve
4:26 pm | June 19, 2004
Yes, I forgot to add a few things that explained some of this. Anyway, I'll try and help out. The Action Rifle is an upgraded form of the Battle Rifle, it fires in single, pulse, and automatic shots. It also has a 2X and a 5X scope. and Also, I did use paragraphs when I was typing it, I copy and pasted it so that might explain it. Also, Black Titan, how the hell else are they supposed to get off a ship? A lifeboat of course. The only simularity between Halo and this is that he escaped in a lifeboat and woke up in a cryo tube, thats it. Also, you must have noticed this is being told in first person. The person the story is coming from is Private First Class Wilson. and for those of you that noticed that is my last name, get over it. Also, later in the chapters there will be a certain "twist" If you have anymore questions, I will try to answer them.
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Sepulchure
8:33 am | June 19, 2004
The use of figures was useful for the military calander, but you've without a doubt overused them with the rest of the story. Description in plain words would make this piece better. Also try to stretch out some spaces. For example the interlude before getting to the lifeboat
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343 Salty Beans
12:11 am | June 19, 2004
Few things wrong.
1. ASAP is capitalized.
2. Seperate your writing into paragraphs, and use the code! You disregarded all format protocol, both of HBO and of the common English language.
3. Some grammatical errors.
4. What is an action rifle? Is it something you made up, or did you mistake Battle Rifle?
Other than that, it was okay. Not spiffing, smashing, nifty, or other good words, just okay.
343SB
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Solidus Snake
10:15 pm | June 18, 2004
Okay, like Helljumper said, "what the hell is and action rifle?" Remember to start a new paragraph when a new person talks. The story went by too fast, it was boring. This story lack a lot of interest. I don't even know what it is about mainly, whats the plot? I'm sorry but this is crap.
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Helljumper
2:54 pm | June 18, 2004
First of all, use the code, that was one big paragraph. Second, numbers under 100 you spell out like two, three, etc. Third, its Assualt rifle not Action rifle, what the hell is an action rifle. oh boy. I didn't finnish reading
ODST
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FDJ Black Titan
11:45 am | June 18, 2004
It is just like the end of the first halo level. It is even more like that part of the book. It definantly was not original peice of writting.
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