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Comments for 'The End Is Near:Part 1/2' |
MadJackal
12:54 pm | March 23, 2004
Oh, hehe. Sure, just make sure that you change a letter here and there so that they won't be exactly the same (it can get confusing with the same character appearing in lots of different stories). So just change it a little, like if you were going to use the name Soka, you could change it to Loka.
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SpartanFortyFour
12:44 pm | March 23, 2004
I meant like some of your covies names!!
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MadJackal
12:02 pm | March 23, 2004
Oh, and because I didn't mention it, the story I was referring to about Harley was his story Battlefield. Things just fell apart on that story's comments page. It was his second to last story. Oh well, I just hope that I don't see something like that again or I might not be able to contain my own rage and will start another horribly long lecture on why we shouldn't be unnecessarily rude to people (trust me, you don't want that! It's horrible! Like Chinese water torture!) :)
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MadJackal
11:53 pm | March 22, 2004
Use whatever you want if it fits your story, just don't copy titles exactly. I don't mind if you call something Fate or Eden. Oh, and I just thought that you hadn't read my others because you only commented on my first story and my Iron Hands series.
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SpartanFortyFour
11:44 pm | March 22, 2004
I see what you mean, oh and i have already posted my second. I read your fanfics, and they are a real inspiration. Would you mind if i uhh, borrowed some of the names of your iron hands of the prophet stories, and stuck them somwhere in mine?
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MadJackal
10:41 pm | March 22, 2004
I need to stop rambling. Sometimes I get carried away ;)
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MadJackal
10:34 pm | March 22, 2004
Oops, it didn't turn out quite right...
Okay, just imagine that when you look at my example for speech that after each sentence with quotation marks (") that a new paragraph starts:)
I'll say it again though, keep writing! I've seen so many writers give up when they have potential and it saddens me. (Especially when it is partially the fault of idiots who post all kinds of inappropriate and offending things on people's comment's pages, causing them to give up in despair. I use Harley's fanfictions as a perfect example. Do any of you even remember Harley? Probably not.)
Don't worry, SpartanFortyFour, you're writing isn't that bad, so I doubt people will do what they did to harley on any of yours.
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MadJackal
10:16 pm | March 22, 2004
Okay, good work for a first story! I do have some comments though. First, let's talk about some of the basics. You included battle scenes, but there was no real description. I found that there was something lacking there. There are plenty of places you can look for examples of description (hopefully you'll pick my stories to read, but you can find really good examples all over this site).
In terms of grammar, I think that you used too many "..." There were a few places where other puctuation would have been more appropriate. For example, you said, "The only thing going through the master chief's head was going home...to earth...where he belonged." In place of the "..." you could have used commas or even "-"s.
Another thing about grammar. When people speak, you should start an new paragraph after every sentence in which someone speaks. For example, you said:
"We are readying our troops for battle now your excellency" replied the brute. "Good train as many as possible...this shall be our last stage to overthrow the humans" remarked the prophet.
This should have been written like this:
"We are readying our troops for battle now, your excellency," replied the Brute.
"Good. Train as many as possible. This shall be our last stage to overthrow the humans," the Prophet remarked.
Anyways, good job for your first fanfic. Keep writing and you will gain more experience. More experience = Better writing! Keep it up!
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CoLd BlooDed
9:33 pm | March 21, 2004
Jet is new here, he doesn't know what he's talking about... ;)
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SpartanFortyFour
9:38 pm | March 11, 2004
What do you mean "the choice of names"? If you mean the Spartans, that is their real names.
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Jetboogieman
8:10 pm | March 10, 2004
This is cool nice length though a bit dragged out. Spellings good. I dont know anything about grammar just read my stories and you'll see how true that is. All in All good first try and keep it up. Although I dont like the choice of names.
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SpartanFortyFour
2:51 pm | March 10, 2004
Oops, sorry.
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SpartanFortyFour
2:10 pm | March 10, 2004
Just so you know this is my first fanfic ever, so dont be too harsh.
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SpartanFortyFour
1:48 pm | March 10, 2004
Just so you know this is my first fanfic ever, so dont be too harsh.
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