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Comments for 'Innocence: Waking From the Dream (Part I)' |
Chuckles
4:35 am | June 28, 2004
Good story. Like others have already said, the spelling problems, and run-ons take away for its enjoyment. They are a lot like a lisp--pretty soon, people don't hear what you are saying anymore and are just hearing the lisp.
But hey, those are easy things to fix: the easiest really. If you had perfect grammar but a boring story, that would be a lot harder to deal with :)
C.T. Clown
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Guardian
3:41 am | June 26, 2004
Really descriptive i like it, a well thought out fan fiction, but the writing and formating, not so sure.
7.5/10
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Shifty
1:15 am | June 25, 2004
Ya I'll put more time into editing mainly spelling. The reason for the itallic writing of Covenant was simply beacuse the character, your average Joe, if you will, doesn't know much about the Covenant that we have all come to know. He doesn't know what the aliens look like or what they specifcally do. ie. he might think the Grunts that we know are large horrible aliens that are green and have three legs. I know it's hard to walk in the shoes of someone who does not a slight clue of the the [i]Covenant[/i] are.
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Dave Luck
8:45 pm | June 24, 2004
Okay, one thing.
Excellent Ideas. Finally we se some indentation and proper paragraph format.
Anyhow, I think that you need to look more into the spelling. It hurts.
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343 Salty Beans
8:00 pm | June 24, 2004
Yay, it has the code! w00t!
Wierd...plottish...thing. I can't really say PLOT, because that's not exactly what it is. Wierd though.
Anyway, it was OK, but mispellings, missed punctuation, run-ons, and other English errors didn't let it flow as smoothly as it should've.
343SB
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Helljumper
7:19 pm | June 24, 2004
yea it was good, i just skimmed it for time saving reasons but it looks good.
ODST
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SeverianofUrth
6:07 pm | June 24, 2004
Great story! Although I didn't think there was a need to italicize 'covenant'. It adds unneccesary stress and emphasis to what is already a commonplace word, and in my personal opinion breaks the rhythm of reading. Otherwise, great.
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Shifty
12:00 pm | June 24, 2004
Error page popped up when I sent my last one, don't think it went through. Really all I said was give me critisisim, the good kind though. Critisisim that I could fix or use. Well I got the the story done but as I go around coding the whole damn thing I'm making bits of improvement here or there. As you noticed not a lot of action, but it will start up soon. Hmmm what else... oh it might be six or seven parts of the same size, or if I can make the parts bigger, less. Does anyone know the wordcount limit for 30k?? I don't know how to check the size so im kinda stuck :(
Well any help is apreaciated.
Later
Shifty
PS If this is a double post I appoligize
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