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Comments for 'Rebirth - Shadow's Prologue - Part 2' |
Knightmare(MM
2:42 am | January 10, 2003
Now that you've actually READ the story? You mean to tell us you didn't read it before? e.e
Hmm. . . Its not right to forget all previous comments, dude. Every word has value. Mmm, as your you Ender-
*Poke* Die.
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Ender
10:47 pm | January 9, 2003
Shadow and all you Merry Marines. Sorry for my earlier comments. Midterms are coming up, and I was pissed at my math teacher and I wanted to kill her. Now that I've read your story and I'm a bit more calm, I would like to say that it was even still a pretty good story without all the guts, gore and killing. Its the choice of the writer to include that in the story, and even some of the best stories dont have all of the kiling. I will admit that i have been kinda bad on the comments in some of all your writers stories lately. It started with 5 Way War, so please forget all of the comments that i have posted on all stories between now and then. Thanks.
-Ender
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Vero
1:03 am | January 9, 2003
Hey Shadow dude, I will always be here to read any of your stories. Your first couple really impressed me and I am going to stick with you in and out problems such as: Lack of action, boring, etc... So keep up your work.
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Knightmare(MM
12:38 pm | January 8, 2003
All props go to shadow for this prologue, he's the man.
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Wado
12:35 pm | January 8, 2003
What are you MMs going on about? I too thought Shadow could have done a bit better with the story, but that's my opinion. I liked the story overall, I think it is going in the right direction and had some really good parts. What I thought could have been done better is with conflict in the story, even when he got in a fight, I never felt Takan (the main character) was ever in any danger or was going to be horribly punished for breaking the rules. That's all. I expect more from Shadow and the rest of you so be prepared for harsher reviews but also to reap the benefits of great praise. They tend to come together. As Sarge says, you can't please everyone all the time.
And thanks for refreshing my memory about Takan being Shadow before the Dark Wolves.
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Sarge
12:15 pm | January 8, 2003
And in SEALS they tie your hands and and legs and chuck you in the water. You have to swim up to the surface before you die!
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Shadow
1:18 am | January 8, 2003
Hey guys. (Yes this is the real Shadow). Anyway, Ender and Wado, I appreciate the criticism. I certainly need it to become a better writor. As for the comments on action, you won't find endless amounts of bodies and gunfire like in my previous fanfics. This one will be quality. If I am to sacrifice the attention of some of my readers for some better quality writing, then so be it. As for the next section of the prologue, I had actually already written the whole thing up before I even submitted the first part, so these comments won't seem to affect my writing until the first chapter of Rebirth. Peace, and thank you for the comments.
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Knightmare(MM
1:12 am | January 8, 2003
Yes.. very good. Its about time ye've been giving harsher reviews. Anyhow, I feel Ender has somehow insulted Shadow because he wrote something without action (Which is NOT the concept of what a story should be!) Its not all about fighting, people. You'll see.
Wado, you're superman, just don't sing any more songs, you overdid it last time. Heck, they shot you over five times. . .
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Knightmare(MM
11:37 pm | January 7, 2003
Shadow DOES read his comments, Ender, trust me on that one. He knows what you say, just doesn't usually reply to them, back off a pace. A story isnt about killing, action and more killing. Shadow knows this, and if you can't appreciate a truly good piece of writing to rival ANYONE's ATTEMPT at it, then I suggest you read something else.
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Arch
10:36 pm | January 7, 2003
BTW Ender, i meant no offense by that earlier remark. I've been having a long day, and just wanted to make it clear that we are not some average group of 'actionactionkillkill' guys, but cultured writers. If you want action, you'll have to wait a bit longer until Rebirth starts.
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Arch
10:32 pm | January 7, 2003
Takan was Shadow before the Dark Wolves. And Ender, do you really want the MM to hunt you down and give you atomic wedgies until you apologize for lack of intelligence? No, I thought not. This is NOT Rebirth itself. This is one of the PROLOGUES for God's sake! This is just leading up to the action that will come.
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ThreadedAce3
10:14 pm | January 7, 2003
Ender, dont ragg on shadow like that. the story was great. im not sure help me refresh my memory. Is takan one of the Dark Wolves later in the story?
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Sarge
10:12 pm | January 7, 2003
careful the sausages ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Ender
9:42 pm | January 7, 2003
this was ok story, but sucked compared to some of shadows other writing. I noticed 2 errors, and it needs more action. I was dissapointed when i read this. i expected better from all you merry marines. and why dont you tell shadow to get down here and read his own comments, get back more into HBO. hes just writing. he needs to talk to his readers, and then i might like his story.
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Wado
5:24 pm | January 7, 2003
Well kudos to Shadow then.
Hey Sarge, I think before you were born but some Navy Seals unfortunately died just a few miles from shore, they got turned around and swam the wrong way I think. There is a wealth of military stories to draw from huh.
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Knightmare(MM
5:01 pm | January 7, 2003
Pssh... Currently the one typing everything? I think not. Its just the fact that we haven't posted, methinks; since clustering it would be relatively stupid.
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Arch
1:21 pm | January 7, 2003
Hey, if you have something with the story, then take it up with Shadow. He's currently the one typing everything. We're next.
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Knightmare(MM
12:47 pm | January 7, 2003
Let's hope so, I don't want people grabbing at bad opinions and attitudes.
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Wado
6:38 am | January 7, 2003
Damn, I was the first to comment on this story...NOT...lol.
This story was pretty good. If you continue writing about the training, I hope to see some of the live fire exercises/drills -- I think you might be one of the few groups of writers that might be able to pull it off. You hinted at it already with the importance of teamwork.
As an example which does not have a whole lot to do with teamwork but does have to do with intense training, I'm going to dig deep into my bag of stories and experiences and will leave you with this... Here is what I mean by training... As a Ranger you must pass your swimming test -- 20 laps in the pool. Almost nobody has ever made it in one try. If you drown, and I am serious, the divers pull you out of the water and revive you, then you must finish your laps. Some people drown two or three times before they can finish the exercise. Write about stuff like this and you can take your training exercises to the next level.
Well anyway, just a suggestion. Great going all of you.
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Mutated Elite
7:43 pm | January 6, 2003
WHAT THE HELL KYLE? I DON'T REMEMBER YOU SAYING THAT!!!
I think we have an impersonator in our midst...
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Knightmare(MM
5:14 pm | January 6, 2003
Thaydo Utas, Arch. Kayhere Shendo, eckto Margere Lethtas Luna.
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Arch
1:23 pm | January 6, 2003
Hey hey, i'm back! FINALLY! Now, seeing that you guys are submitting the story, i guess that i'd better find a way to get messenger and get back at it, putting in my ideas. Resaan kilaados
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Knightmare(MM
8:14 am | January 6, 2003
I beg to differ...
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Kyle
6:27 am | January 6, 2003
this is horrible worse than my after halo story
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Vero
4:30 am | January 6, 2003
Nice try imposter Wado, the real Wado always Capitalizes his name. Check up on it before you try to be someone you aren't. Anywayz, Nice going Shadow. For a second I thought you were copying outa the fall of raeach book, but then you completly turned it around. Good going. Hope to see more.
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Knightmare(MM
1:16 am | January 6, 2003
Imposter don't make me come over there, trust me you don't want that. YOU suck balls.
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wado
11:17 pm | January 5, 2003
this sucks balls
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