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Comments for 'The Ring, part 1' |
retardedmonkey
2:51 pm | February 20, 2004
i noticed how the dialoge really screwed up the story
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Sarge
1:59 am | February 20, 2004
Look at is this way, Good stories don't seem to get comments on this site
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Nick Kang
12:58 pm | February 19, 2004
And next time you might want to have more story and less dialogue...WAY less dialogue.
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IAmDelta
4:34 am | February 19, 2004
I just noticed your comment down at the beginning. Why would you write something if you were tired of writing? That makes little to no sense, and might be part of the reason that this was crap. If you don't feel like writing...don't write. Sometimes I go many days just because I'm out of ideas and would rather kill Covies than write about killing Covies. Hope to see some improvement next time...
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retardedmonkey
10:57 pm | February 18, 2004
next one will have much better grammar you can count on that
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Nick Kang
9:08 pm | February 18, 2004
Okay that was extremely confusing.
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Traumatised Marine
10:07 am | February 18, 2004
We came down on you hard there but it looks like you're more grown up than this fic.
Maybe there's hope! :)
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IAmDelta
3:22 am | February 18, 2004
Darn! I've been out of town and missed the bashing session. Oh well; I'll throw in my piece now. I don't think your writing is worth one of my customary grammar critiques. You might be a lost cause. And I've gotta admit, the name retardedmonkey is quite fitting. How hard is it to read what you've written and realize it's not anything like what you've read before from other people. That means it is WRONG. Sorry buddy, but this was real bad. Good luck. You're gonna need it.
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FOrunnER
3:09 am | February 18, 2004
I actually applaud you. Not for the story, but for taking all this bashing and not ever once losing your cool. Most new writers would have said by now, "W3ll yo'z sux's t2 & yo m0mma f@t", or something equally as stupid.
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retardedmonkey
2:15 am | February 18, 2004
thanks for the tips guys ill make the next better(im not a good writer)
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Mastergrunt
3:09 pm | February 17, 2004
Sorry, but I have to agree with every one else, your grammar sucks.
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Sarge
12:40 pm | February 17, 2004
Alright guys settle down there....
But if you can read past the flames their is some stuff there... Paragraphs after different speakers, um better grammar, dont use numbers like 2 for too, and never name another guy "Porner"....
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Alpha Lance
4:09 am | February 17, 2004
WTF! Porner, lmfao!
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Dark-NiTe
11:48 pm | February 16, 2004
Yeah...it would be a lot easier to read if you could use basic rules on dialogue.
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MC's Cousin
10:45 pm | February 16, 2004
I'm agreeing with TM on this one. I didn't make it past the first two sentenses. Oh my Halo, don't do that again to us OK, that was...just laim and sucky. But I do think that making your name one that fully describes you is a good turn.
Signing Off
MCC
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Alpha Lance
10:41 pm | February 16, 2004
WTF!
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wow...
9:54 pm | February 16, 2004
please use some basic grammer rules.. like putting quotes around spoken words, and speperate speach form text with a new paragraph... also telling us who said the quote would be nice...
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Dumbfounded
9:15 pm | February 16, 2004
This is the worst piece of crap I have ever read. I didn't make it past the first paragraph.
Please don't clutter this site with this trash.
Really.
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GLADIATRRR3000
7:14 pm | February 16, 2004
i must say, i love your name. retardedmonkey. good stuff.
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retardedmonkey
7:09 pm | February 16, 2004
well i ran out of ideas on this one ok i was tired of writing at the moment
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Traumatised Marine
7:05 pm | February 16, 2004
A vomit of american gun-ho culture crap. You don't even understand the basic grammer used to show how speakers change, they just run onto one another.
DO NOT READ THIS!
IT WOULD BE MORE ENLIGHTENING OR INTERESTING TO PLUCK NOSE HAIR.
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