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Comments for 'The Desert is Hell' |
Nick Kang
12:16 pm | June 23, 2004
It was awesome up until about the part Sarge and Perez come to pick him up in the 'Hog.
NK
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Kaizen
1:03 am | June 23, 2004
Thanks Guys. Ill keep that in mind when i write my next story. About the plasma thing... i noticed that as soon as i submitted it. Also do you mean you like the beginning as in before or after i kill of the corporal?
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Kaizen
1:03 am | June 23, 2004
Thanks Guys. Ill keep that in mind when i write my next story. About the plasma thing... i noticed that as soon as i submitted it. Also do you mean you like the beginning as in before or after i kill of the corporal?
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Kaizen
1:03 am | June 23, 2004
Thanks Guys. Ill keep that in mind when i write my next story. About the plasma thing... i noticed that as soon as i submitted it. Also do you mean you like the beginning as in before or after i kill of the corporal?
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CoLd BlooDed
12:11 am | June 23, 2004
Yeah, I enjoyed the beginning, and it did seem like you ran out of steam at the end, but it mostly started when the major dialogue appeared - this seems to be your "weakness", work on dialogue.
It went by too fast, and you didn't develop your characters enough to my liking, it just seemed like normal Marine bravado, but that is what I had to assume.
Anyways, I liked it, but there's lot's more room for improvement.
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Nick Kang
12:47 pm | June 22, 2004
Yeah, the beginning was excellent, but you seemed to be running out of steam towards the end.
To avoid this problem, type out the story on a word processor (Such as Microsoft Word), with the code integrated, and copy and paste it into the submission form when you're done. This way you can work on it whenever you want, and you can spell check and stuff like that.
You have a lot of potential. Try to add a bit more detail in there, and everyone'll love your work.
NK
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343 Salty Beans
5:31 am | June 22, 2004
The first part was great. Enjoyed it alot. After that, it got a little sloppy.
The action went a little too fast, and despite what Sean said, it was NOT smooth. It seemed extremely choppy, and the missing commas didn't help. But the format you had was excellent. Most people don't realize that you have to start a new paragraph after a switch in dialogue.
Plasma bolts don't glance off Warthogs, either.
Also, let me explain the code to you, since you apparently never read the FF guidelines.
When you indent, italicize, and bolden your text in your word-editing program, it doesn't carry over to your FF/ That's why you proofread and check for mistakes. Instead, do this:
to italicize a block of text, put [i] before the block, and [/i] to end it. To bolden, do [b], [/b], and underlining is [u], [/u].
Indenting helps seperate paragraphs. To put an indent, put a [indent] where you want it to show up.
Finally, for a horizontal rule, put [hr] between two paragraphs. A horizontal rule usually shows a change in time, place, or other major switch in the story.
Yeah, there's the code. Use it, or the regulars go nuts on you.
So yeah. Use the code, especially the italics. I'm not sure if you realize this, but thoughts from a character to himself are italicized.
Other than that, I think it was OK. Just use more detail and the code, and you're gonna be a good author here.
343SB
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BlackGhost
12:12 am | June 22, 2004
A little too fast if you ask me. Just take it a few notches slower and make sure to add tons of detail. Other than that it wasn't too bad.
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Sean
5:11 pm | June 21, 2004
Nice story. It was fast and smooth. Hope to be seeing more of your work.
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