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Comments for 'Last Battle: In The Line Of Duty' |
Wado
5:35 pm | December 5, 2003
LOL SaGe ScOrPiOn.
No offense but some people have different names on the HBO forums than what they use in the Fan Fiction area. I thought you might have been someone I know from the forums but with a different name.
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SaGe ScOrPiOn
2:10 pm | December 5, 2003
what do you mean, (wonders if you are really not... I wonder)? why wouldn't it be me? seriously, it's me. besides, how could i prove that it is me? some things you just have to take on faith. How do I know it's really you, Wado? Besides, what would be my motivation for using a different name? I didn't flame you, or say anything that could be questionable. and I just took it on faith that it's you. so seriously people. Sorry for the long post, but I had to say that.
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Wado
5:19 pm | December 4, 2003
Nice comment SaGe ScOrPiOn (wonders if you are really not... I wonder). Anyway, I'm as much in the dark as is Sergeant B. as anyone. This is a team writing project but in a way it is ingenious because it is like that British comedy "Whose line is it?"
Writers are sort of making up things as they go along and leaving something for the later writers to go on. I don't know at all if the Covenant are also attacking Earth, I'm sure they haven't been defeated yet, the date is before Halo according to the military timeline for the Fall of Reach. My suspicion is that the invasion is some covert one by perhaps a renegade group. I don't know.
In this chapter there is a Flood like being, but whatever they are, they have been trapped on Mars for at least the last 100,000 Earth years. Could this be a lost Forerunner tomb/outpost on Mars?
Well I hope this answered some of the questions you had. Thanks for reading the story and taking time to comment. Sorry about the confusion.
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SaGe ScOrPiOn
4:11 pm | December 4, 2003
In my opinion this is another case of a well-written story with a bad plot. No offense to the authors, but the story is confusing as hell. I may be the only one who holds this view, but i had to speak up, and give at least one negative piece of criticism. But i'm trying to make it constructive, so bear with me. Ok, so, here goes nothing:
My first question is one of background. The date says it to be 2552, so have they beaten the Covenant, or have they even ever met them? There was nothing to tell anything about it in any of the chapters. They have weapons that are slightly more advanced than those of the UNSC in Halo. Such as the laser pistol.
My second question has to do with the character setting. What are the races that are here? The scientist-killer seems alot like a camo-Elite, and the other race seems a heluva lot like the Flood.
My third question has to do with motive. You establish that they are traders, but you don't say what they're mining, or why.
Maybe i'm an idiot, and maybe you are intentionally keeping us in the dark, and that's fine for the first 2 chapters or so, but not in the 4th chapter. I'm not saying that I could do better, Lord knows i couldn't, but as a reader, i'm describing the story's effect on me.
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Wado
1:48 am | December 4, 2003
I know that you are part of it Mainevent, sorry if I over explained. I think I was explaining it more for everyone else.
Take care
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Mainevent
1:07 am | December 4, 2003
I know how it works. I'm part of it.
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Wado
10:54 pm | December 3, 2003
Oh I'll be sure to read you latest story Dispraiser. Thanks for the long comment.
As for the setting, every writer has a slightly different if not dramatically different style and that should make this project quite chaotic and interesting, like that ancient Chinese curse about "may you live in interesting times..." ;)
I think this chapter works nicer when read with Chapter 1. I pictured Chapter 1 as sort of the introduction part that leads into a James Bond movie or something. So in Chapter 1 we have a mysterious alien invasion flaring and some terrible creature killing scientists.
Now this Chapter starts out with all the flare of setting up a grand adventure. The humans fight back and kick some ass but in the end a hopeless feeling comes foreshadowing things to come, keeping the reader hopefully leaving the reader wanting more.
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Dispraiser
9:18 pm | December 3, 2003
Seems like none of the fanfics in the last update are getting any comments. Wu should break em up so less than 20 get through each time, and hold back the last chronological ones if he can. Or something, I have no idea... I'm surprised this one only got two comments... Wait, one! Sergeant B wrote the second half... I mean, I didn't get any on my last one. I think I'll go write lots of comments.
Well, better make that two, because I'll comment on it. The first part was awesome, but explainably different from the second. It seemed to have a traditional scheme, along with something that is very distinctly Wadostyle. Dialogue has always been Wado's strongpoint, as well as what I call helicopteresque intros. I won't even bother to explain the second, but the dialogue is always very real. On my fifth or so fanfic submission here he gave me a very helpful comment that I remember even today, a full year later. He told me to write natural dialogue, the particular comment about "being the rabbit". I can see that he knows what he's talking about.
Sergeant B half aimed more for poetic rhythm in a lot of paragraphs. Great for speaking, okay for fanfics. His half was also better than I had associated with his name, but I'm not sure Ive read one of his fanfics before... But in any case, this half is pretty good, especially considering what I think of team fanfics. I hate em, or at least writing in one...
Overall, I think this story confused me. Not in the dialogue or anything, but isntead in the setting. I know it was on Mars, and the characters seemed to be fat, lovable, romantic heroes, bar the one that was described otherwise. This isn't a bad thing, but it gave Mars a golden feeling, especially with the inherent redness. This is more of a movie thing, but using lighting can set the plot for anything, and this fanfic seemed more blue towards the end, rather than red. Not something to worry about, and probably not something that can be helped on Mars, but this will probably end up being a very dark fanfic.
So, overall, good for a fanfic, but for HBO standards beautiful. Now, I really hate to do this, but if you read this whole comment, I would like to plea that you read my latest fanfic, as it has no comments. Heh, sorry, I really hate advertising my fanfics in other threads, and hopefully this is small enough a violation that it is disregarded. If not, again I apologize.
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Wado
12:00 pm | December 3, 2003
This is part of a fan fiction project, two authors per chapter. Elfster and candygnome worked on Chapter 1. Sergeant B. and I worked on chapter 2.
There are more chapters to come from other authors. I have no idea how the thing is going to turn out.
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Sergeant B
3:04 am | December 3, 2003
Double Post, sorry. Crap.
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Sergeant B
3:02 am | December 3, 2003
Yaxan are...like the Flood, just...more vicious, and smarter. And only one form. This form actually devours other life forms. It evolves just to have some arms for rifle-firing afterwards. I not sure if that's what FrensaGeran wanted, but hell, anything you want were his words!
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Sergeant B
3:02 am | December 3, 2003
Yaxan are...like the Flood, just...more vicious, and smarter. And only one form. This form actually devours other life forms. It evolves just to have some arms for rifle-firing afterwards. I not sure if that's what FrensaGeran wanted, but hell, anything you want were his words!
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Mainevent
11:26 pm | December 2, 2003
Is this partly a resubmit of the last chapter...yea..nvm...see that now.
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Wado
8:39 pm | December 2, 2003
This story was written by me and Sergeant B.
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