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Comments for 'The ONI Chronicals Part 1' |
Wado
6:24 am | December 17, 2003
Welcome back.
Nice action sequences as always. My only suggestion is that you two ought to edit each others work more so the whole story is a by-product of both your ideas instead of each of you writing different parts. I feel it is important for talented writers like yourselves to throw aside ego and preconceptions and really concentrate on a unified story. I think that makes better stories than when each writer creates their own sections.
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Jaywhit10
9:44 pm | December 14, 2003
Ya I know how that is, ever since my first series i had written my writing style has gotten better and has my grammer. I was only annoyed at the comment b/c it was directed at the both of us (me and Jedi) but in saying that did mean you had not gotten to the section I had written and that is what set me off. That I had worked so hard not to be noticed, thats all I was clearly mad about. Though im happy I have the support of all of you, the next one will truely be better, or my name isn't bob...wait a minute its not. DAMN IT
Jaywhit10
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Mainevent
5:39 pm | December 14, 2003
"We'll try and do better next time."
That's all that I ask. As long as one strives to be better than he was before, he has accomplished something. Marginalism is only for the weak minded.
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Jaywhit10
3:22 am | December 14, 2003
Its alright, I just get like that. This story was complied by parts written seperatly and put together. I didn't take the time to make sure they were correct and what not, this is my first series co-written so im trying to get out the bugs. Btw mainevent, I read some of your stories, niiiiiice. Thanks, we'll try and do better next time.
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SOS.Odin
1:39 am | December 14, 2003
ill wait ur next posted story to comment
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Mainevent
10:52 pm | December 13, 2003
I'm sorry you got so P.O.'d by my comment. It's the internet, and it makes my little bit of dissention sound like a lot. Especially if it's your piece. Trust me, I know how it is.
All I'm saying, is take a little bit longer on your piece. You've been gone a year, you said that yourself, then you could have spent a little bit longer making the necessary changes that would have made this story much better.
And no, I won't read an entire story if I'm not hooked in the first few lines/paragraphs. That's how it is. People get bored, they move on. Simple.
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Arthur Wellesly
5:23 pm | December 13, 2003
Yea, not bad, but there are a number of punctuation and spelling errors. The progression of the story is nice, but the dialogue, in my opinion, needs some work.
Nice job, you guys.
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JediKnight114
12:47 pm | December 13, 2003
some*
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JediKnight114
12:45 pm | December 13, 2003
maybe you guys just dont take the time to read the little beggingin statement, but this IS our first time co-writing a series and it IS the first part out for our series, so all that i mind read for enjoyment not the technicality of a damn word/ sentence, i agree its more pleaseing for the eye, and it CAN and WILL be fixed, just cut us so freakin slack
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Jaywhit10
12:33 pm | December 13, 2003
Anyways, learn how to comment mainevent. I might actually take you seriously. Read my earlier stories and the comments, you probably didn't even get to the ONI part. You people are in a tight knit group, I got comments from some of the best writers on here at least a year ago. I don't take critism that badly but when i get a post like yours, i just like to think of it as some creep who feels good about dissing others.
Jaywhit10
Feeling pissed and justified
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Jaywhit10
12:29 pm | December 13, 2003
Thanks for that little bit of insight, but you didn't have to go that freaking far. I mean when i wrote before i never got that disrepectful of a comment. I mean some of these other stories are worse then ours and you people give them great reviews. The story was complied together, how far did you read?. Did u just read the first paragraph and said this sucks, i mean I don't do that to people. I would read the whole thing and give my opinion...not just the god damn beginning. I never will understand people....
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Jaywhit10
5:08 am | December 13, 2003
Alright sorry I know about the spell check. My part of the story was spell checked and read over bymyself a few times. I do use word and the spell check was on. I only got so pissed off when someone has the nerve to tell me its horrible when they have only read part of it. Lol I can't believe i spelled chronicles wrong, thats a classic...lol, and no i don't command respect from being known authors n'such, no not at all. I just don't take that critism that strongly. Im sorry I came off strong in a way...ok a very strong way that made me seem like an idiot. But let me point this out, how would you feel if you were told that about a story you worked on? Think about it and thanks, lol I think this is how my first series started off just like this....is this a pattern? Lol, thanks for commenting though. I have never read any of mainevent's stories, it was just in the moment of being really pissed off, I apologize.
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witelancer
3:47 am | December 13, 2003
All right, the story itself is decent. Spell checking takes about five minutes, though, and it really would have helped the story flow. To me, a few grammar/speling errors are acceptable, but this story needed some work wiht the F7 key. (well... if you use Word). Anyways, otherwise... it could turn out to be good.... and *please* try to spell Chronicles right?
Nice action sequences... 7.5/10
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Walker
3:47 am | December 13, 2003
Man, you guys have been gone too long. Apparently you think because you have a name here you command respect. Well, let me inform you, things have changed. Writing is what counts, not a name. Either way, you're screwed. If people don't like it, and recognize it for what it is, maybe you should listen to them and get off your high horse and make some changes. "Disrespectful"? "Learn how to comment"? Mainevent is one of the most intelligent authors here, and his worst piece blows this one out of the water. This is no masterpiece; you admitted it yourself. Don't get all mad if someone doesn't give you all praises and a perfect score right off the top. To do so is the mark of the n00b.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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Mainevent
10:00 pm | December 12, 2003
It was riddled by spelling errors. I saw more than accidental grammar errors. I would have read the whole story, but from the little bit I read it wasn't special enough to warrant it.
Work on the fundamentals. Two of you should be able to get it right.
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Jaywhit10
12:09 pm | December 12, 2003
Well sorry about the freaking spelling error. We all make mistakes, I thought about it this morning before I read the title again and it hit me like a freight train full of overweight cows. I apperciate you pointing that out though walker, I would also apperciate if I could get some comments on the story and not the title. Thanks a lot
Jaywhit10
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SOS.Odin
5:39 am | December 12, 2003
i was gonna read it
but then i realized how long it was
and right now its 11:40
so imma read it tommorow
dont worry
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Walker
11:42 pm | December 11, 2003
I can understand that, because it happens to everybody, but a spelling error in the title is a real turn-off for a lot of people, myself included.
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JediKnight114
10:34 pm | December 11, 2003
So, we have a few spelling errors, must apologize
we'll work much harder in the future to fix that
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Walker
10:27 pm | December 11, 2003
You spelled chronicles wrong...
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Jaywhit10
1:39 pm | December 11, 2003
Hey we are baaaaaack. I hope you enjoyed this story, there is going to be more. Please post some comments, got its been at least 5 months since i last wrote. Tell us what you think about it.
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