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Comments for 'Battle for Tectron: Chapter 1- A Helljumpers story part 1' |
Jon M
2:55 pm | March 1, 2004
Okay, now I can say you have grown as a writer in just the few short months you've been posting here. Nice.
You've probably moved past this story already, but if you did want to come back and re-work it, eliminate the cliches and the passive voice.
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CoLd BlooDed
9:54 pm | February 29, 2004
Plague, shut the hell up, if you've read any of his newer stories they're much better.
So stop saying your story was WAY better and pull your head out of your ass. Anybody can be a fan, just because this was his first doesn't mean he's not one. So just shutup for now or say something constructive, or come out with a decent story.
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Plague
11:51 pm | February 16, 2004
that sucked!!! it had some good points... but it was ruined by your horrible puncuation. how the fuck is your story, or any other story here better than mine??? you said:
It seemed like this was halo fanfiction for third graders. No offense, it was ok, but it seemed kinda childish as i was reading it and couldn't get into it. I couldn't even finish. If you read stuff from some the vetern writers here you'll see waht i mean. I'm by no measure a vetern but i try.
WTF??? mine was WAY better. especially since i go into more detail, have more dialogue, and i can actually use puctuation!!! also, are you saying that YOUR a veteran??? because by that shit it doesn't look like it. if that's veteran... then that's sad. and for 3rd graders??? if you think that what i got is third grade work... you should read your story, and some of the other stories here. also, my dad read the full version of what i have... it's 23 pgs, and he said it was good. and he'd know... he's read more books than i could count. also, that's just the first part... i was setting the story, showing the characters, and such. it gets ALOT better.
and im willing to bet that you said all that shit about mine because you KNOW that it's way better than yours. and i would post all 23 pgs... but it's too much work to format it, and im too lazy. and you don't know shit about halo. you call yourself a fan. pfft.
and if you people would like to see my website... go here: plague182.tripod.com/main/index.html
and enter it in EXACTLY as you see it... or it wont work. and just maybe, helljumper, you might learn a thing or two. and i will have the full version of my fan fiction on my site shortly.
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teemus
12:20 pm | December 19, 2003
It was good for your first story, and the fact that you didnt read the first two books. If your looking for a good story then i would say, the Fight for NewTatly seris by Cold_Blooded. There is some good stuff on space battles in the Fall of Reach book.
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Arthur Wellesly
3:42 am | December 19, 2003
Yea, very good. My only complaint has already been voiced: it brought back unpleasant memories from Halo: The Flood where the humans are undefeatable and yet are losing so badly. Otherwise, very good!
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Helljumper
4:43 pm | December 17, 2003
thanks Josh Plev, that comment made me feel all happy inside. I posted the second chapter and i started writing the third part. All of your helpful comments keeps me inspired to keep writing, and i enjoying all of your fanfics even though there are so many. if you guys know which ones are really good, just let me know and i'll read them.
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Josh Plev
9:27 am | December 17, 2003
Nicely done for a person who hasnt read the first two books and hasnt played the game to its full extent. cool, awsoem, wicked, all means the same. nicely done. was a bit of mistakes in there but that is understandable. The Lt. who diesd was a 2nd Lt. right? since he had the Gold bar and all. ya, i dont get what Polybius has to do with the story either. oh well. you should have a corny ending where Pvt. Marcus finds this Polybius game in some store and uses it to kill the covenant. haha, oh well. liek i said, its cool. waiting for the next one.
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Helljumper
4:30 am | December 17, 2003
for all of the Halo research that i did on this site and others, i didn't find much on the armor that marines wore. from playing the game, i noticed that it really didn't protect the marines, so i figured why not do with out, that is why i had Marcus take it off. the labeling of M83 tatical helmet, i think that is wat they called it in that movie Starship troopers, so why not. There is no official name for it so why not make it up or in this case steal it from some where else.
thanks Helljumper
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witelancer
4:25 am | December 17, 2003
damn, not bad at all for a first fic... just wondering, where did the M83 designation for the combat helmet come from? I'm just wondering... otherwise, it could use a little touching up in spots, but the story was graphic and well-done. Thanks for the positive comments on my history.
-10/10
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Mainevent
9:24 pm | December 16, 2003
If you need some ideas for space battles, there are a few in my series, Homeworlds. Also I think Captain Rasc did a mainly space one. I remember someone did damnir. Or was ir Alexander Valient.
Oh well. Good job on it, especially for
A) Your first time
B) Limited exposure to the game universe
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Helljumper
5:44 pm | December 16, 2003
Thanks for all the feed back guys, i sent in the second part before i read the majority of your comments. Point out any mistakes in that one. My friend has the other two Halo books and he is gonna let me read them once we get back to college cause right now we are on spring break and i'm in NJ and he is in SC. By the end of winter break i would probably have finished this series so i'm gonna have to lean on you guys for info. By best friend works at samgoody and has a 40% employee discount, so he is going to buy Halo for me, so i'll get in a lot of experience. I hope he doesn't BS me and give it to for christmas cause that is a long wait, and then when I get back to college i might be too busy to play it. So look out for part two and leave your comments on that one. Part three is gonna shift themes from the groundbattle to the space battle. That i think is gonna be hard to do, but i've read a lot of you guys fanfics so i think i can do it.
thanks
Helljumper
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SaGe ScOrPiOn
4:34 pm | December 16, 2003
yeah, not bad for a first. Better than my first, and second, and third, etc. But there is no known Covenant that has green blood. And plasma grenades are blue as well. And Elites don't carry plasma pistols in the game, but they probably would in a real scenario, but it wouldn't be a majority, probably ship crew or lowlowlow level blue Elite. But do me a favor, and give the Grunts plasma rifles. I always thought that they should, it would make more sense. But you really should rack up some more game experience before you write another one. You should also read "The Fall of Reach", but I wouldn't reccommend reading "The Flood", as long as you have played the whole game, on at least Normal. But otherwise, good fanfic.
Considering it was a first fanfic, i give this a 9/10
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Myth
3:27 pm | December 16, 2003
I bet you read the first two books you'd feel differently about the Chief and stuff, but a read a few other stories: Battle for the Norah, mostly anything by Agent Shade, READ a marine named Peters...well they're all about marines...well enough of this you did a pretty good job, just read the first two books, cheers
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Taurril
1:27 pm | December 16, 2003
Despite the tactics used, I doubt a single marine would be able to take on all those covenant- don't get me wrong, great story, but I've imagined Halo to "really" be how it is on Legendary. On easy-heroic, it hardly seems that the covenant would be crushing the humans so badly. Otherwise, very good- except elites have purple blood.
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SOS.Odin
12:58 pm | December 16, 2003
yeah u shoulda read the first two books
lots of information in them
i mean TONS
personally, i have not read first stike yet
dunno when imma get either
but follow the pseudocode buddy
like [indent] where indents go and [b] to make bold letters its all explained in the rule thingy
but great job for ur first fic
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Helljumper
12:40 pm | December 16, 2003
Please feel free to leave comments concerning my series. The next section will be out really soon. I don't understand what polybius has to do with my play. Also feel free to email me if you want to or have any questions, private comments, or any ideas for my series. Thank you.
Helljumper
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Steve Ollett
8:50 am | December 16, 2003
For a guy that hasn't played the game much and only read H:FS, that was quite good! Well done!
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Walker
11:28 pm | December 15, 2003
Well, most people don't write about the Master Chief, they create their own characters. I'd say that goes for about 80% of fics here.
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Walker
11:28 pm | December 15, 2003
Also, you should have read: Halo: The Fall of Reach, Halo: The Flood, and then Halo: First Strike, but, it's too late for that. Just read the first two in chronological order.
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polybius
10:34 pm | December 15, 2003
you can find the rom for this game at yahoo type in the search bar "polybius arcade game" and the first result will have the rom inless at some time while reading the directions to the polybius rom you messed up
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a game that creates confusion
10:25 pm | December 15, 2003
back in the 16 bit days of super nentendo there was rumors of a game. This game was POLYBIUS it was sied that whoever played this game for longs amount of time would suffer from a high D.R this means Delusion rate. What all that means is there once was a game called polybius that confused kids and scared them and actually caused some to end up in therapy hospitals or even dead there were over 17 deathes caused by this game polybius. Well just when i thought i was safe some idiot is claiming that he has transfered the source code of the game into a rom version and it will soon be released on disk along with the emulator SnesX9 but for now he has the rom and emulator posted on his site
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