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Comments for 'Starship Daybreak Part 1 (Revised Version): Bye-Bye Pillar, Hello Halo' |
Tdaddy
8:24 pm | January 10, 2003
Orev, that was from Scary Movie
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Orev
12:38 pm | January 10, 2003
Can anyone guess where this movie line came from," Femine odor itching got you down?" Prize to the winnner.
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Vero
12:38 pm | January 10, 2003
I don't see what you guys are talking about. Besides the point of the obvious story error and grammar problems, this story rocked! Please keep writing.
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el_halo_diablo
12:09 pm | January 10, 2003
ahhh....good 'ol vicadin....
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Jaywhit10
8:32 am | January 10, 2003
Nice story, quite a few errors which i don't have to mention. Nice plot and well nice story. (God where did all my ideas go god damn it, i had them before now i can't remember part of what i was typing shit, this ain't about its about my next series)
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Geshtu
3:22 pm | January 9, 2003
hi guys,
remember me?
well i originally planned for a new story this week i began a little work on monday but then i went snowboarding, and dislocated my shoulder
im too pumped up with vikadin to write anything now
A.C. seperation or something
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Knightmare(MM
12:18 pm | January 8, 2003
Others have posted stuff with others getting off Halo. I forget who it was, but someone posted one of Halsey making it off Reach and onto a Halo.
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Jeff Graham
2:19 am | January 8, 2003
I posted. Well combat does end abruptly, war is like that. Cool story, I could see it all in my head. SOme of these stories would make cool games, movies, or books. Write more, more.
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el_halo_diablo
10:21 pm | January 7, 2003
Yah they do, if they get shot alot on the game they say stuff like "Fall Back!" "Retreat!" "This is scuicide!" "Im outta here!" and my favorite: "AAAH YIKES!"
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Ender
10:18 pm | January 7, 2003
HA! very good story. it would be cool to have a seraph shoot them where the fuel rod guns hit and then have the armor fail then the ship loosing atmospheric pressure then having them all die!!!!! AHAHAHA that would be SWEET!! I RULE THE FORUMS AND ALL POSTINGS THAT I POST!!!
-Ender
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Infernal (Joshua)
7:39 pm | January 7, 2003
It was an alright story concept, but a little too much information that was irrelavent was put in. The attitude of the Marines ("I knew we wouldn't make it") is-well, fake. Marines never give up, or show the slightest sign of doing so. Still, the idea of others besides the master chief making it off Halo is pretty interesting.
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Anonymous
12:00 pm | January 7, 2003
very nice! liked it a lot. as Bob, grunt, and diablo said a few minor glitches but otherwise a nice read. keep it up
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Guilty Spark
5:57 am | January 7, 2003
I like the overall concept behind your story. It needs work and it does end rather abruptly. Keep trying. I would like to read a revised version, if you choose to do it.
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Dispraiser
5:10 am | January 7, 2003
Well, I found it to be too short and, well, uninspired. Random events that just appear (like the fuel rod hitting them) and fade with relativley no meaning at all are not worth putting in. It has potential though, as any one that does absolutley suck does. By the way, most the fanfics here, or rather about half, I guess that some of them scrape par a little closer... But anyway, yours is better than most, it doesn't suck. I mean, half of the stories here are written by authors that believe Spot the Dog is a novel and that 'MC crossed the street' is a complex descriptive sentance. Go chase the red ball MC, because from what I see, you need to be literate to write... That was a little off topic, but it shows trhat yours isn't crap...
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Glamdring FoeHammer (The Author of this piece)
2:51 am | January 7, 2003
PS: if my message did spam sorry, my browser is a bit messed up when it comes to posting on forums and such.
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Anonymous
2:41 am | January 7, 2003
You know what there were some minor problems in it but I have read a lot worse fan fiction here. It kept my attention, also, and that is a must.
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Glamdring FoeHammer (The Author of this piece)
2:39 am | January 7, 2003
Yeah, I made errors a lot, it was rough, and I just caught the death of Foe Hammer, my little mind just kept thinking she was piloting the ship that MC fled out on. And about the shortness, it was more of a prolouge, so I have another, and if you guys think it would be better I can revise it. And the reference to the Halo as 'Halo 343' was a real error on my part, I always had it as such. And the beginning paragraph was messed up, I need to revise it badly. Sorry to post a draft, but I assure you I will fix the majority of my errors and come out with a couple of others for your enjoyment. Thanks for your output though, and sorry about the profane attitudes if it offended you, but I'm used to writing that way, censorship will start if its needed. And if you have any other things that can help me out on this story it would be great.
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Glamdring FoeHammer (The Author of this piece)
2:39 am | January 7, 2003
Yeah, I made errors a lot, it was rough, and I just caught the death of Foe Hammer, my little mind just kept thinking she was piloting the ship that MC fled out on. And about the shortness, it was more of a prolouge, so I have another, and if you guys think it would be better I can revise it. And the reference to the Halo as 'Halo 343' was a real error on my part, I always had it as such. And the beginning paragraph was messed up, I need to revise it badly. Sorry to post a draft, but I assure you I will fix the majority of my errors and come out with a couple of others for your enjoyment. Thanks for your output though, and sorry about the profane attitudes if it offended you, but I'm used to writing that way, censorship will start if its needed. And if you have any other things that can help me out on this story it would be great.
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Bean
1:47 am | January 7, 2003
It was pretty good, and as for Kyle keep it clean jacka** !
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Sarge
1:45 am | January 7, 2003
I cant say I enjoyed the story their were quite a few errors, however, if you post more I will read it just make it a little better.
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el_halo_diablo
1:23 am | January 7, 2003
Hey kyle get to work on continuing my Mis Adventures of Master Chief fan fic, instead of dis-encouraging authors.
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Kyle
1:02 am | January 7, 2003
that sucked
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el_halo_diablo
10:36 pm | January 6, 2003
I thought it was a decent idea of a story, oh by the way, it's 'Private' not 'Privet'. Keep it up, and write some more.
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gruntkiller
9:38 pm | January 6, 2003
this was plauged with plot problems in the first paragragh you said foe hammer lived but she died in the last level, also you spoke like they were looking for halo, in the book and game they came across it accidentaly when they retrated from reach. there were a few spelling mistakes and the story itself went by way to fast, it could benifit greatly from more discription. but other then that interesting concept it will be interesting to see what happens to the marines.
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freon
8:03 pm | January 6, 2003
really good story i really liked it
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JIMBOOB
5:21 pm | January 6, 2003
Cool, but short as hell. More could have been done with the idea.
A sequel or rewrite using the same plot would be great
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BOB Slayer
5:19 pm | January 6, 2003
Its a bit short... great idea though and the plot holds up, although if you listen to guilty spark he does refere to halo as instillation 004,... but still - minor glitch, great read.
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