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Dispraiser
12:13 pm | November 4, 2003
I never said the grammar was bad, and actually, I said it was good. However, in an effort to make more a more effectual writer I give a big reply on a little thing. Granted it's not one problem that makes or breaks a fanfic, or the only tiny little obscure problem, what it really is aimed to become is a tiny tip that will help forever. Hopefully Frensa can deal with it, which she seemed to do far better than her fans that replied with aversion to my comment. However, precedent is predominating on HBO so I can understand the derision, and my comment was a little nit pickity, but not out of line. I didn't say the story sucked or insult anyone (I hope), but sometimes I use too many big words to the point where it seems superflous, when in fact the connotations of the words are artificially created because of their size. Before your derision extends to my reviews, understand what I am saying.
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Walker
4:59 am | November 4, 2003
"so what if the grammar is shit, and the spelling off... maybe thats how they want it.. hmmm? i know i never conform to the 'rules' when i write. we are all individuals, and write as such. so maybe a bit of criticism on what they write.... not how they write..."
Criticism on how people write is just what this site is for. Don't say it's not. If there's no criticism there's no improvement.
Grammar is important, because if it wasn't there would be no point in really even getting an education, except for math. How would your boss like it if you wrote a report using |_33+? He wouldn't, and you'd most likely get some sort of reprimand. Pay cut, firing...
Individuality is important. I wrote a highly-acclaimed speech about it last year when I was on the Speech team. But individuality is not the same thing as stupidity, which you seem to think.
Amok is smart, he writes pretty amazingly, but he's just flat-out wrong here.
Dispraiser extra-word theory has been misinterpreted, because I think he just said that it was merely pointing out we use extra words, not that they're wrong. Right?
Anyway, everybody needs to shift their argument over to SOS.Odin's latest story, where we've got some pretty cool future-of-the-world predictions going on.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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AmokTheClown
9:20 pm | November 2, 2003
this one goes out to a few people. first of all the author... great job, i liked your idea, very original. suggesting that the covenant as superior as they think they are, have their own 'cells' to deal with. just adds a new perspective to an enemy (not the sea creature lol)that not much is known about them.
secondly, Dispraiser.... c'mon man. constructive criticism is one thing but what your doing is a bit over the top. just lighten up. this site is for people to post their ides and thought in story form. so what if the grammar is shit, and the spelling off... maybe thats how they want it.. hmmm? i know i never conform to the 'rules' when i write. we are all individuals, and write as such. so maybe a bit of criticism on what they write.... not how they write...
great work Frensa
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Ishkabibbl
5:08 pm | November 2, 2003
I have a rebel covenant army...if I could ever figure out where I saved that damn file.
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FOrunnER
11:51 pm | November 1, 2003
I would like to argue with you abo0ut the whol extra word things, but youre using way to complex words and scentences for me to compete with, so I would try.
Good story Fresna. Not entirely original (the idea of rebel Covenant has been explored before) but It is a good story
9/10
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Dispraiser
4:27 am | October 31, 2003
Also, I knew the extra words were not to beef up the story. What I meant was that when we talk, people tend to use extra words, especially with English more so than Spanish or French. Our language is inherently complex. These words that are in there are far from intentional, and as just short of everyone make that 'mistake' it is clearly forgivable and unintentional. You've written enough fanfics that you wouldn't add in crappy words to make a fnafic look beefier...
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Dispraiser
4:27 am | October 31, 2003
Alright, if you want I can dumb it down a little. Now my intention to say this fanfic is bad or anything, just to point out one little problem that almost every fanfic bears.
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Mainevent
4:18 am | October 31, 2003
I'm a total idiot please kill me i admit im a teenager who insults people for fun hehe!!!
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Nemesis
3:22 am | October 31, 2003
Dispraiser, you are an excellent story writer, and you have a brilliant mind, but i'm afraid i might have to side with Slim Jackson...that little "word theory" or whatever was taking it just a bit to far...and when i say that, i don't mean to offend you, i really like your stories, but critisim (spelt that wrong probably lol) like the one you said below is just a bit out of line...but whatever, maybe it was for the best...cheers amigo
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Dispraiser
3:09 am | October 31, 2003
Spellcheck wouldn't catch it. What I was saying was taht spelling errors were forsaken on HBO, very rare.
As for the deaf thing, I think it might have been in "how I write fanfics".
And Slim Jackson, sorry to offend you by commenting on this fanfic in the comments section. I also did say the fanfic was good, and that the example I gave was not the only instance of this common mistake within this fanfic or any, for that matter. I fail to see how you get insulted by my comment, but, whatever.
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Frensa Geran
3:09 am | October 31, 2003
P.S.: I'm not deaf. Where the hell did you read that? How do you play HALO deaf? Lol.
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Frensa Geran
3:02 am | October 31, 2003
Thank you Dispraiser for the comment. Though the "extra words" theory is a bit strange. Extra Words give emphasis, they're not mean't to "beef up" a story, but cumulatively create mood through descriptive sentences.
I formatted my computer recently, Word is gone. I wrote this on Wordpad. No spellcheck. I did the best I could, but things get by.
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Slim Jackson
2:39 am | October 31, 2003
Oh please Dispraiser, if you are so worried about spelling errors, go back to English class. (I'm sorry, would you like me to remove "back" out of that sentence? [sentence, by the way is spelt with an 'e', not an 'a' like some would like you to believe]) This site is not for us to learn proper English grammar, it's purely entertainment. You ought to judge this and other works on content, which this ONE (that's right, I said it... are the English professors going to come arrest me now?) in my book comes in on the upper end of a 9. In my opinion, the only thing wrong with this story, aside from the cosmetic blemishes (plasma comes to mind here...), is the same thing that is wrong with all of Frensa's entries, it draws me in and then I read "To Be Continued...". I almost want to wait until the end of the series so I can read it all at once. Excellent job Frensa, keep it up!
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Dispraiser
1:34 am | October 31, 2003
Hmmm... That last comment dwarfs the others...
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Dispraiser
1:12 am | October 31, 2003
Odd... You could have just taught me something. I thought I had read somewhere in one of your comments sections that you were deaf, which generally imples that you do not talk with the normal style as others (sentence layout) though your writing carries flaws that I had formerly attributed only to the way we speak bleeding into our writings.
This mistake it common and nearly unavoidable, the reason, the English language. It has its perks, granted, the language is especially easy to create (DAMN! Can't remember the name) rhythm within sentances (duh dah, duh dah, ect). But it also has many flaws... One of them is that things are fairly hard to spell, not a large problem with the impunity of word processers like Word, or at least Open Office, which I believe also carries a spell checker. Another of the problems, the one I sighted in thsi one and most of the others that I ever see it extra words.
The sentance that I will use as an example is...
"I screamed into the terrified ears of my men, each one grasping their AR in fright."
This sentance is a perfect example of using an extra word. Before you move onto the next paragraph where I brutally dissect the sentance, see if you can pick out the blatant extra word.
Alright, now, I hope you found the word, it is 'one'. "[...]each one grasping[...]"
Now, observe this change...
"I screamed into the terrified ears of my men, each one grasping their AR in fright."
I screamed into the terrified ears of my men, each grasping their AR in fright.
After reading each you can see that they have the same meaning, and I can say that at least in my opinion, the second carries the rhtym of the paragraph better, not forcing a stop for one of the uglier words in english, a number.
Now, understand that this is not the only sentence that has extra words. I am not marking you down soley on this basis.
I am going to give you a flackfic of two and a half. I took one point for over-wordiness in a few situations like that, and a point for tilt. I took another point off because the other fanfics I have given twos were a little more artistic and the whole scale is an attempt to just go "Well, I didn't find any spelling errors, so 1001001010/10, LOLOLOLOL!!!1!!1!". I took another point for the fun of it because of the aforementioned reason. It was better than the threes, barely, but worse than the twos, barely.
http://dispraiser.tripod.com/flackfic.htm
A 2.5 is a good score. Zero is perfect, understand.
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Jamirus99
11:21 pm | October 30, 2003
Linda, eh? :-)
Great jon Frensa- this series (?) came out of nowhere and is looking promising!
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'Nosolee
9:38 pm | October 30, 2003
Maybe that cloaked Elite's name is 'Nosolee...
Like in the novel. lol
9.25/10
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Nemesis
9:13 pm | October 30, 2003
why does "The Cell" sound familiar...a movie maybe...oh well. i hate giving comments like these, but you rarely have mistakes. 9/10 seems interesting, hope you continue it, make it longer next time though
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