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Comments for 'Spartan III's, Part II' |
Thunder Chicken
6:47 pm | February 21, 2004
Great! Make more!
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Alpha Lance
6:23 pm | August 30, 2003
I love this story, 10/10.
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Walker
8:13 pm | August 29, 2003
keep 'em comin'!
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Chief Petty Officer MEndez
6:00 pm | August 29, 2003
Hey that was pretty good. The conversations just flowed from the characters and only once or twice was ther a break. Otherwise its good
Keep up the GOODwork Soldier.
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FOrunnER
3:52 pm | August 29, 2003
Thanks guys. Wado, I'm planning to use those sea battles a little later. When you ask?, I'll never tell.......
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hornet34
11:31 am | August 29, 2003
This story showed you have some definite potential. Without hurting the plot, elaborate more on the sea battle and the flame thrower, these are things that weren't in the game and aren't in most fanfics, so they're different and exciting. After writing a story, take time to do something that doesn't involve a computer. That way when you come back to edit you'll catch more mistakes. Other than that, listen to Wado, he's got good advice. 8.5/10
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Wado
6:27 am | August 29, 2003
Not too bad a story, I enjoyed reading it. I like how your conversation flowed and how there were some mysteries, like why the Covenant was engaging in sea battles. Nice job there.
Since you asked for some pointers, try to pay more attention to your grammar and spelling. Some words won't show up in a spell checker like when you used "cash" instead of weapon's "cache" because cash is a correctly spelled word. I also think you could use a bit more confusing in your stories (confusion, what am I talking about?). What I mean is that the first targets a military force such as the Covenant might attack are all our communication satellites and control centers. Even if the Covenant didn't know where all our command centers were, the EMP pulses from the many nuclear explosions combined with electronic warfare and a billion different units trying to call into base, well, you see getting a clear picture of what really is going on might be quite tough. Rather than say the Covenant has control of 40% of a city, I suggest you say that they have 5% control and you are unsure about the rest because communications are down in the area, there are scattered reports of heavy fighting...etc.
Anyway, nice job, keep up the writing.
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FOrunnER
1:55 am | August 29, 2003
When I wrote Shades, I ment to say Shadows.
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Wiley
9:09 pm | August 28, 2003
"only" 30 megatons?
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FOrunnER
2:09 am | August 28, 2003
Thanks guys, but I accidently left out part of the story I was supposed to write. A conversation between Cortana and the Chief explaining the Brutes. I'll just add it in my ext story. Peace Out.
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J-117
10:46 pm | August 27, 2003
cool runner, I love it, and Im also a writer too at HBO jsut look under J-117 and be sure to send feedback, and one more thing, DO NOT READ MY VER FIRST STORY cuz it sux badly, and I love ur stuff man, reminds me of the stuff I used to write...
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Sergeant B
6:07 pm | August 27, 2003
I finally found your story. They're really good. Especially this one.
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Walker
11:31 am | August 27, 2003
good, just thought id note that HAVOK nukes are only 30 megaton. just somethin that caught my eye. anyway, 10/10. better than your last one!
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yubs
3:16 am | August 27, 2003
good :)
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