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Comments for 'Stowaway Part 1' |
Dispraiser
10:24 pm | April 25, 2003
It's halo related, and you will all see it by Part 2 or 3... Depends on how perceptive you are... Oh, and a comment to an early one of them, the one from Knightmare, the protagonist wouldn't make the floorboards creak... It is the highest trained of all killers and is something that would nevermake the floor creak unless he wanted it to...
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Red
8:18 pm | April 15, 2003
Very well written, but aside from mentioning ONI I can hardly see how this fanfic could ever pan out to be related to Halo. Unless a Spartan swam aboard and killed that guy I don't really see how it could be Halo related. Besides that, I loved it. It was a great story and was well worth reading with only a few errors. I noticed that you liked words starting with F (you used Ferneticallty and Frantically to start two sentances right next to eachother), which took away a little. I also wish, as the others have said, that you could have used some more big words to describe the horrible wounds in the story...
I was just about to comment on the title when I realized something. The unoriginal title seemed to have some bearing on the plot (as most titles do...). Stowaway... I began to think, what could that mean... I hope I'm right about the Spartan climbing aboard the ship...
Overall I would have to say that this is one of the better fanfics right now albeit slightly (at least now) unhaloish. As TM said, it is very nice to see a fanfic that isn't about a Marine or MC.
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Dispraiser
7:21 pm | April 14, 2003
Actually, what I was afraid of was crossing into Bungie's territory. I made sure to keep away from their fanfics in fear that I could be proven wrong later stories b Bungie. I may have expanded the Halo universe, but only to make room for what I am doing. It also gives me the advantages of any element I like, an example the racism of Lunar 4 that I used in the last few fanfics, or the ability to make things like this where otherwise a ship would never be used. I wish I had given the planet a better name though, but when i began I never thought I would write more than one fanfic...
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Dispraiser
7:21 pm | April 14, 2003
Actually, what I was afraid of was crossing into Bungie's territory. I made sure to keep away from their fanfics in fear that I could be proven wrong later stories b Bungie. I may have expanded the Halo universe, but only to make room for what I am doing. It also gives me the advantages of any element I like, an example the racism of Lunar 4 that I used in the last few fanfics, or the ability to make things like this where otherwise a ship would never be used. I wish I had given the planet a better name though, but when i began I never thought I would write more than one fanfic...
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Steele
10:53 am | April 14, 2003
Dispraiser is trying to expand the Halo universe and doing a pretty good job. Hopefully one day it'll be as big as a Star Wars or Star Trek. That would be nice.
Also maybe we should make an agreement where all our stories co-exist. What I mean is if one thing happens in one story it also happened in another. We should like use the same technology and all that stuff. Of course this could back fire if someone wrote something really crappy! But we could tweak it and make agreements and stuff!
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monitor101
5:11 am | April 14, 2003
Sounds funny diablo, me and a few of my friends went out and made a black powder bomb and blew the shit out of an empty milk jug the thing shattered and cut one of my friends. Once again Dispraiser you prove that you are one of the best authors around and the story was awasome really into the Halo universe we've all heard the regular action stuff and its getting old time to get a little in depth!
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Dispraiser
2:53 am | April 14, 2003
THe RC thing sounds like fun actually... I think I'll do that this summer...
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el_halo_diablo
2:04 am | April 14, 2003
God me and my firends were so bored, we set my RC car on fire, and drove it around into bales of grass that was on fire. then later we went to a friend's house, poured rubbing alcohol on our hands, and lit the alcohol on fire(the vapors of the alcohol is what burns, so it take a few seconds for the flame to reach your hand). Anyway...
Well the story might not have been halo related, but I dont think many people can compare to your good writing style Dispraiser.
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Spartan-13
1:37 am | April 14, 2003
i meant no offense man, and really, this was a good story. i am starting to see how it is related. good job
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Dispraiser
12:14 am | April 14, 2003
Yeah, I didn't realize that people would get so mad about it, but whatever, anyway, this is related to Halo! It just barely shows it in this part...
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Spartan-13
10:46 pm | April 13, 2003
i suppose it was okay, again, like some other people have said, i kinda miss the Halo action stuff, but a good break is hard to come by. I will give it a 9/10
I was reading other comments of other stories and i realized how pathetic you are about this whole indent thing lol ;). but seriously, just because they dont indent, you dont read them. i can understand your whole indenting service, but mistakes like these are always gonna happen man, ya just gotta let it go and try your best to read it. if not, then people will stop reading your stories most likely, there are pros and cons to everything. anyway, thought i'd just say that. later folks
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el_halo_diablo
4:51 pm | April 13, 2003
Demosthenes, I thought you were blocked for doing the "CALVIN AND HOBBES" spamming. At least, that's what Louis told me.
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Arinoth Koby
5:02 am | April 13, 2003
Pretty nice story dude, keep it up! With the people who don't indent either the posting forum should be laid out differently or someone called Indent should tell em, well see you all later, I'm off to continue a fan fic of mine, keep it up all of you good writers (excluding myself, lol, jokes).
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Demosthenes
2:08 am | April 13, 2003
Well, I'm finally back. (this is a message to Dispraiser.) I haven't even finished legend hunting yet because I went on vacation and got WAY behind on fanfics. I spotted this and read it, being a fan of your stories, and I must say it's actually quite good. I love your discriptiveness and steady pace, there isn't an author on this I don't think that rights as slowly as you. Which reminds me, I finally got done with CH. 4 of 6WW. (yes finally.)
Anyhow, about this story, it's quite interesting, very unique, unlike any fanfic I've ever read. You always tend to focus less on the covenant-human war and more on civillian/non war related military operations. Though I hate that you left us readers hanging like that. 8.7/10. good job.
cheers,
Demosthenes
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el_halo_diablo
12:59 am | April 13, 2003
Hey Dispraiser, I got your email, I sent a reply.
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Dispraiser
12:54 am | April 13, 2003
I was leaving the comments section. Seems people get pissy when you offer to indent their fanfics for them... Oh well... Anyway, this is (believe it or not) related to Halo. It is linked directly to ONI and the Spartans though I can tell you that there will never be any Covenant or actual spartans of any sort on the ship. It is instead about something that ONI did.
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Sarge
10:55 pm | April 12, 2003
I have nothing against Dispraiser reguarding him commenting on my stories because I haven't submitted in... too long to care. I'm just saying he was being all pissy like I'm never coming back then here he is what a surprise eh?
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Arthur Wellesly
10:39 pm | April 12, 2003
It's a dangerous game you play, Dispraiser. You make it your policy to "dispraise" every story and yet you submit your own fan fiction. Luckily for you, you have little to worry about besides people who wish to settle a score with you. Your writing style is very good, and your plot is... interesting. An enjoyable read, but I agree with Knightmare in that if you are going to write this kind of story you should probably add some more atmosphere.
9.3/10
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el_halo_diablo
8:31 pm | April 12, 2003
yah that sure lasted long...
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Sarge
8:06 pm | April 12, 2003
Lol it's the I'm leaving and never coming back guy...
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Traumatised Marine
7:50 pm | April 12, 2003
Oh what a breath of fresh air, not a damned Marine, Grunt or armour-clad cyborg anywhere! It's good to read something that describes the life of 'a person' instead of the hero that has to save the world(s.)
I won't do any ass-kissing, just say; Well written stuff and move on. Cheers 'Dispriaser.'
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Dirty Commie
5:56 pm | April 12, 2003
Yack. The advantage of having a complete world for prejudices, weather (I loved the no-fly zone thing) is very...uh...advantageous. Hit me again.
Brilliant.
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..
5:24 pm | April 12, 2003
you all suck my balls muahahahaha
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el_halo_diablo
4:24 pm | April 12, 2003
Hey, nice to see you're still around Knightmare! :D I began to think only me and sarge were left. *phew*
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Knightmare(MM
3:27 pm | April 12, 2003
Pipe down retards. Leave the 'DI' here alone, he writes better than any of us. Nicely done with the story man, but you might have left the blood trail stuff to the end of the NEXT part. Adds a bit more atmosphere around it, I think. The power shortage could have been played off with more effect if it had been longer.
The Protagonist could have been seeing shadows, hearing things creak etc. Or seen good ol' crazy cleaning a knife. Stuff like that. Keep up the good work with the writing, though. Had me hooked with the sudden broken leg and crashing of the waves. If I was forced to grade it...
9/10
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What the hell?!
3:20 pm | April 12, 2003
Hey loser dispraiser, this is suppose to be about Halo!
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Steele
3:05 pm | April 12, 2003
That's a very unique name, .? I enjoyed it. It's not well Halo action, but I'm sure you'll get there soon enough. I give it a 8/10 mainly because it was well-written. I hope to see the others and there's on reason to leave.
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.
1:46 pm | April 12, 2003
the hell? this is supposed to be about Halo, and i thought you said you were leaving
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