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Comments for 'Destiny Chapter 4' |
Crazy_Canuck
11:54 am | June 27, 2004
Thanks! Ya I've got more chapters written right now. I'll put them up soon. (I'm travelling right now, so the hotels i stay in might not have internet, though they are all supposed to)
CC
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Young Gunna
5:54 am | June 26, 2004
Good story, the action was good when it happend. I'm sure there will be more chapters though.
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Agent Shade
2:00 am | June 25, 2004
hey thanks Dave...i hope to return soon with a new story i'm working on
sorry for spamming Canuck
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Dave Luck
8:54 pm | June 24, 2004
Thanks. Now I shall take my vengeance.
Code is good. Grammar is one thing. DON'T try and fool around with the GRAMMAR. I'll say one thing that a friend taught me.
No fancy crap.
Don't make one-sentence paragraphs. DON'T. Too many paragraphs and no proper spacing between paragraphs will make this appear harder to read.
Oh, and Agent Shade, it was ME who emailed you earlier about the awesome stories. Just that now, my old buddy Schroder (whose nickname was Dave)moved away, so we stopped sharing the Email address. It was hacked and now it is full of well, bad stuff.
Achem, oops. Let's see. You missed commas in many areas.
Missing commas is a HUGE mistake.
Try reading this out loud.
- A panda walks into a bar and eats, shoots, and leaves.
- A panda walks into a bar and eats shoots and leaves.
See the difference?
The first has portrayed a panda that eats something, then attacks with a gun, and walks out.
The second shows a panda that eats plants.
See the difference NOW?
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Agent Shade
8:45 pm | June 24, 2004
i pronounce it Sarge, not Serge, but whatever...
work on that spelling and grammar amigo. I'm sure someone like Salty Beans or Dave Luck will go into detail about that.
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Crazy_Canuck
8:35 pm | June 24, 2004
Thanks! I'm trying to make the Chapters as grammatically correct as possible, but i'm not a professional writer, or incredible with grammer. But I do my best. Thanks for the info. I'll watch out for the Titanium-A spelling.
CC
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Solidus Snake
7:14 pm | June 24, 2004
Well, looks like I've missed a chapter, I'll come back and comment on this when I'm done reading chapter 3. Hang in there.
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343 Salty Beans
4:28 pm | June 24, 2004
You missed some punctuation, were repetitive with pronouns, and mispelled a few words.
You spelled "Titanium-A" as "Titanium A". Needs a dash. Not a biggie, just something that might be done over and over again if no one points it out.
And didn't you say they all had a new shipment of battle rifles and SMGs? I'm assuming the MA5Bs they grabbed are the leftovers of their old weapons?
However, still awesome. I continue to enjoy this series. That Banshee chase could've been a cutscene from HALO 2, it was so good.
343SB
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