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Comments for 'The Battle for Earth: part 1' |
CommanderElite
4:14 pm | February 17, 2004
thx alot... [b]ya[/b] ok i am currently reading first strike and will read your other story... my story my take a little while though...
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MadJackal
5:03 am | February 16, 2004
Oh, and I also noticed that you didn't use the pseudo code to indent your paragraphs and so on. I think that every new author here has made the same mistake. I sure did. Anyway, here's how you can make your stories more presentable the next time you post them:
-To indent a paragraph, instead of putting spaces there, type as follows: [indent]
-To bold words, use: [b] at the beginning of the phrase you want to bold. Type: [/b] at the end of the phrase to let it know where to return to normal.
-Italics work the same way as bold, only using: [i] and [/i].
-To enter a horizontal rule in your story, simply place a [hr] on a line by itself in the location you want the rule to appear.
Keep writing and you'll get better,Commander Elite. I'm looking forward to your next story!
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MadJackal
4:56 am | February 16, 2004
It was good, even though it was a summary of the gameplay. Describing action scenes that are familiar is a good way to practice getting action and descriptions straight. I noticed your reference to my story (Our Cursed Souls: A Field Master's Tale). Have you read my other story (The Darkness: An Elite's Tale)? I thought I did a better job with that one.
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CommanderElite
2:26 am | February 16, 2004
ok ppl... i get it now :-) that story sucked and shouldn't be on the site... i am in the process of writing a new story now, (thx to the encouragement of MC's cousin) it is about the Marines on Sigma Octanus IV and will be on the site hopefully in 1-2 weeks...(i have a lot of homework and not much time...lol) I have had some other ppl proofread what i have so far and they like it. i dont know about combat scenes just yet, but am trying to display character's emotions a little... like the "Field Master's" story, so i am gonna shut up now or I might just tell the whole thing!!!
l8ter.
CE
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FOrunnER
6:56 pm | February 15, 2004
Im going to mention something nobody else has. The title and the plot line are polar opposites.
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Hunter_Killer
3:33 pm | February 14, 2004
PS, Hope i didn't come off too hard. =(
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Hunter_Killer
3:31 pm | February 14, 2004
Jumbled, NeaR Lame, Coppied, No Creativity.
But that don't mean it ain't good for the first time! Work on the next part but DON'T COPY LEVELS or GAMEs. Tried that once; everyone hated it.
- H_K =)
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Nick Kang
1:03 pm | February 14, 2004
Well, you have good writing skill, but that may be partly because the story was based off the game. You already knew everything about it, making it easier to write about. Keep up the good work, just try to get the topics from your imagination.
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Hawk7886
8:30 pm | February 12, 2004
The first two were duplicates, the third one you tweaked. . .
Like he said, don't copy the levels. We know how the game plays, so it sort of spoils it (The story and the game). Try to create your own plots, and work on your paragraphing. As we can all see, it needs some work ;)
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CommanderElite
8:15 pm | February 12, 2004
hey srry bout the three posts in a row My PC was screwed up and i couldn't get it right, my bad.
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MC's Cousin
6:06 pm | February 12, 2004
Aight, I wasn't syin it didn't have a good though behind it. Marines on Sigma: good idea.
Signing Off
MCC
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CommanderElite
4:12 pm | February 12, 2004
Ya, like i said, this is my first post and i just wanted to get the English right. But yeah I was just trying to kcome up with something cuz i havn't read the Flood or First strike yet... but i might make one about the Marines on Sigma Octanus IV. C'ya
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CommanderElite
4:12 pm | February 12, 2004
Ya, like i said, this is my first post and i just wanted to get the English right. But yeah I was just trying to kcome up with something cuz i havn't read the Flood or First strike yet... but i might make one about the Marines on Sigma Octanus IV. C'ya
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CommanderElite
4:12 pm | February 12, 2004
Ya, i was just trying to get the English right and this was only my first post... Next time I think I am going to make a story of the Marine's defending Sigma Octanus IV. That was not in a book (at least not the whole story) so i might do that...thx
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MC's Cousin
12:49 pm | February 12, 2004
Ah..well...I'm not sure what to say. That was odd I suppose. Not to mention kinda....I'm not sure what to call it. Just next time you try toe do a duplication of Bungie created levels, try to add your own touch and creative juices to the mix instead of making it shorter and almost lame. Just up the anty, make a side story off that level, decribe what the marines did, or outside-of-ship-engagements. Just not duplication.
Signing Off
MCC
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