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Comments for 'The Covenant's Double Entende' |
SOS.Odin
12:15 pm | December 11, 2003
hornet seems to be a very wise man
hes right about the authors who ya post stuff on
ya posted on my neverland series
and here i am
thanks for ur comms man
ur story aint too bad either
crazy that u never played halo
sad actually
great game
anyways keep it up
and keep readin my series ;D
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AmokTheClown
3:40 am | December 11, 2003
just rebutting what everyone else said. no grammar problems or stuff like that, just sections that confused me. i mean, if something were to go wrong with the comm's or whatever, there would be a back-up system of communication, hell, i've had to use them before. a system to signal that they were friendly.
also, if the humans knew that the covenant were messin with their transmissions, as you stated earlier in the story, then their steps to rectify that would have included some sort of back-up system, as i said earlier...
eh, but other then that, original idea, well written.
ps. got my new series on the way, everyone please comment.
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Delta Force
9:38 pm | December 9, 2003
hehe, well im a new comer and didn't get anything, except from you Brutal, thx. My two parts were The Summit of Mout Denumbran Part 1& 2, I think they are on the 2nd page of Fan Fiction. Well, all in all, very good story, very good, but at points confusing... Hmm the battle was weird and I was like, "What the who, why are the marines shooting warthogs? When there are Marines IN them?" Maybe I didn't read it good, but you described things very well.
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hornet34
3:47 pm | December 8, 2003
What I meant was that in the future, if you were to do the same story, you would be better off having the Covenant set up that trap for the humans with the Master Cheif not being the main reason, simply because so many people look down on others for using the Master Cheif in their stories. I don't have a big problem with it and I've used the MC in one of my stories, I was just trying to give you a suggestion to spare you from ridicule in the future.
Really though, the only problem with the story were these small plot things. You have a good grasp on writing, and those problems are easily fixed, so I expect your next piece to be amazing. No pressure.
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BrutalArt
12:42 pm | December 8, 2003
Jam, there will always be those who are willing to sell out on their countrymen for the right price, including you.
No intelligent comments? I get the feeling new people aren't welcome on this forum.
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Jamirus99
11:03 am | December 8, 2003
Oh, don't worry Brutal, your story was okay, though as hornet noted, there were some problems. I just find it hard to believe that a human (especially a senior officer, who's perhaps been fighting the Covenant since the beginning) would sell themselves out.
Oh well...yeah, people, especially me, can be quite harsh to newcomers, but my problems with your stroy all have to do with plot, rather than punctuation and grammar, which is a good thing.
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BrutalArt
5:12 am | December 8, 2003
Thanks hornet, I see what you mean about the reactivation part not being right. I was thinking it just meant he was suited up and equipped. I've never played Halo or seen the game, my story is just based on what I learned from reading the FAQ and some of the fanfics so there's probably a few things that seem odd.
About the Chief, he's one of the 2 main characters in my story and the whole thing would not have occurred had the Covenant not been targeting him, so I didn't quite get what you mean that he's not vital to the plot. Like you said, I should have made up my own character to avoid inconsistency issues. I got 2 more science fiction stories ready to write but I'll probably post them on a non-game based forum instead of risking making game related errors.
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hornet34
1:39 am | December 8, 2003
I have a lot to comment on, but that shouldn't be too big a problem because not to many other people seem to be using this forum.
First, it is possible that a human would sell out humanity, but I don't think that everyone is possibly a traitor. Many people value certain beliefs or ideas more than money, therefore money alone could not sway them. It might be possible to "brainwash" them into believing their cause is lost and thereby betraying their cause, but that's not the same as selling out, is it.
Second, your comment on welcoming new people is both right and wrong. Many of us here have had to put up with n00bs, or whatever you want to call them, for to long. I think a lot of people have gotten tired of spoon-feeding every aspect of Halo and HBO ettiquette (I know I probably misspelled that) to so many others that they're about to snap. Another problem is the flood of fanfics. I know I generally only check my favourite authors and my own comment section, and then move on. I don't have time to search through pages of literary crap to find a gem, and generally only go outside of my proven circle of authors for writers like yourself that have commented on my stories, indebting me with the feeling to return the favor. I'm sure many people here do much the same thing, and once you establish yourself you'll get the recognition you deserve (Although don't always count on it. Wado, who many would vote as this forum's best writer, still occasionally submits stories that receive precious few comments).
Now onto your story. You don't suffer from the poor grammar and bland, unoriginal ideas that plague to many other n00bs (another reason people tend to despise them), so I was actually able to finish your story, and I have to say that it was pretty good. There were a few errors I noticed, though.
First off, be more vague, and disassociate your story from the game as much as possible. You included the Master Chief when he wasn't vital to the plot, which in the future could earn you a lot of negative criticism. Also, was I mistaken, or did he have entire knowledge of the mission when he was re-activated? Also, why was he reactivated? And when did this all go on, since he seemed pretty busy during the game? And why did the Covenant believe that the forces were even, from the game I got the impression the humans were grossly overmatched? Now I guess you see the trouble that comes from using Halo's main character and setting. Bungie has provided us with a massive new universe to play in, you'll have to find someplace besides Halo if you want to write your own stories and not be subject to contradiction from the games (or critics, who all have their own belief of how the game's universe is set up).
Besides that one major point, there wasn't anything glaringly obvious to bash you on. Your writing really is pretty good, especially your inclusion of detail and realistic dialouge (an aspect that very few writers here have yet to grasp). If you stay away from the one thing I mentioned above, you shouldn't have any trouble in the future.
Sorry if I used up a lot of space, but like I said, no one else seemed to be using it. Welcome to HBO, and keep up the good work.
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Jamirus99
3:42 pm | December 7, 2003
Oh come on, everyone knows no human would be a Covenant "mole."
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