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Comments for 'Lightning Strike: The White Sar Reinforcements ride in' |
CoLd BlooDed
8:41 pm | December 22, 2003
I agree with Mainevent, although I have some more comments.
You should come up with a better intro, the one you wrote didn't captivate the reader and want them to read more.
Secondly, less adjectives, more action. Or even better, describe the action better along with the characters.
Listen to Main, he has covered the rest.
I didn't find this story interesting, it might be me but I just didn't. Sorry, 3.5/10
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?!!??!
7:07 pm | December 22, 2003
story no good
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Helljumper
7:11 am | December 22, 2003
yea taht was kind umm huh i don't know what it was
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Mainevent
9:49 pm | December 21, 2003
I'm not gonna be as harsh as some, because it wasn't that bad.
Pointer:
-Make it longer.
-Don't use as many adjectives, it seemed as though you were trying to over-describe the story too much.
-Introduce the characters more.
-Spell the title right.
Other than that, it was mediocre. The overuse of adjective took what action you were trying to achieve away.
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FOrunnER
9:47 pm | December 21, 2003
I read two lines and fell asleep. Sorry, but your gonna have to start from scratch buddy
-100/10
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Rags
9:09 pm | December 21, 2003
This story sucked
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Awacar
9:04 pm | December 21, 2003
??...???...???
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teemus
8:42 pm | December 21, 2003
...??
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Orguss
7:25 pm | December 21, 2003
It might have been more interesting if the author had followed basic grammatical structures. Unless the author is foreign and not used to the language, this story was horribly written.
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Alpha Lance
6:27 pm | December 21, 2003
What was this...?
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Snowy_duck
5:28 pm | December 21, 2003
it may be me, but that was messed up
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