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Comments for 'Pax-The begaining Part 1' |
Boa
2:31 am | May 4, 2003
Ok, I am almost done with the seond part of the story. Thanks for all the advice. I used as much of it as I could.
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Andrew again!
2:17 pm | May 3, 2003
have him ally with the MC!!! That would be slammin! I always wondered why the Covies just didnt ally with the UNSC to eradicate the Flood...
I like that idea! ALLY ALLY ALLY!
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scope
1:30 pm | May 3, 2003
another thing is when u said he would never reture to the cove's again, u could have him allie with the MC
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Tank
6:30 am | May 3, 2003
The odd indent will break that daunting wall of text. It seems to me you just need to establish your own writing style and develop it and your posts will be all the more welcomed.
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Steele
1:28 am | May 3, 2003
Continuing...The story was pretty good, but the tenses were off. You said stuff like, "He speed along, shoots a bugger, and ran away. Work on that and it'll be pretty good.
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Andrew
9:02 pm | May 2, 2003
AH yes! A story about a crying wussy Covie! I give it a 8/10!
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Steele
2:51 pm | May 2, 2003
Yes, continue. The one thing I noticed was your tenses. I've got to go right now (bells about to ring) but I'll explain later.
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Boa
11:27 am | May 2, 2003
Sorry about that Scope. Every ones advice is welcomed. Since I am new here I seemed to get the impression that those four had been here the longest. Ok, so in the next part I will indet, not repet words so often, and have new paragraphes when so one talks. And wath my basic grammer. Oh and to Havok, this is my first fanfic
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scope
10:14 am | May 2, 2003
8/10 Needs grammer improvment. And what about my advice?
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James Kinsella
9:59 pm | May 1, 2003
Indent. New paragraphs for new speakers. Other than that it wasn't too bad.
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Havok
9:54 pm | May 1, 2003
i like the way the covenant talk to each other. spelling wasnt too bad, but i noticed that you say the names of things too much. like, "the shadow dropped from the dropship. then they climbed aboard the shadow. then the shadow started up..." you could just say it maybe once per paragraph. that way things flow easier. i think this story could go places. is this your first fanfic?
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Boa (the aurther)
8:36 pm | May 1, 2003
Yes I know that my story probely needs alot of improvement. If some people liked it I will countinue the story. And if Steele, Sarg, Havok, or el_halo_dioblo had any good advice I would love to hear it.
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