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Alpha Lance
6:11 pm | September 13, 2003
Oh yeah, I'm also sorry to use up all this space.
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Alpha Lance
6:00 pm | September 13, 2003
Here is how it could look, but maybe next time you should let someone help you. But its just my oppion.
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A long time ago, billions of years before the Forerunners, Covenant, and Humans, there were aliens. Alien races sparking up and dying, trying to compete for resources i the barren, young universe. The stars were still giant and blue, and there were not as much planets. Then a race came up. They were called by all of the other races 'Slavers', but they called themselves At'Klin.
Standing at 7 feet tall, with three bony swept back legs, two boney arms, a torso, and a boney face with three, glowing blue eyes, they had developed from a system with low resources. They grew from a desert planet, in a system full of tacyon storms, where blue lightning would clash the grounds, and howling winds would scourge the desert landscape.
There weren't much resources on the planet, so they had to adapt around it, using organic technology. With a lack of natural gases, fissionables, and hydrogen to make fusion, they build massive towers into the sky, absorbing the energy storms, and placing them into grids.
Because they had no vocal cordes from the winds, they developed telepathy. A very strong telepathy, which they enhanced with their organic technology, until they could control other organisms with similiar brain chemistry.
Their blue, organic ships, sparkling with tacyonic energy, spread out to an empire. They enslaved races at a hectic rate. To ensure complete control over their slaves, they built devices to enhance their telepathy to the nth level.
This was no forced slavery with punishments, they just did it from their controllers. Yet one race, a race of semi-sentient hive minded trees, overcame their slavers and, after helping other slaved races, pushed them back to their bleek, desert energetic world.
Then, advanced fleets, beyond the Covenant or even the Human's diamond warglobes, bombarded the planet, destroying the At'Klin once and for all. So they thought.
Some At'Klin fled on their tacyon ships, went to an isolated moon far away where they wouldn't be found, and put themselves in tacyon stasis feilds, which slowed time to the billionths. They would stay for several years, until the enemy fleets subsided, and grow again. Most of them suceeded, and were extinguished again.
Yet one At'Klin didn't wake up sevferal years later as he hoped, but layed dormant until another could open him up from the stasis feilds. He hid himself in a gigantic chamber ona rocky ice planet in a system far away, which would later become a Covenant system.
His cruiser and stasis feild are also their, with him in it. It is only until then when the Covenant wake him up from his sleep...
Covenant dreadnaught Kklainican
10/2/2623
Covenant colony, future industrial base
Major Prophet was impatient as to why they called him here. His dreadnaught, a gargantuan ship dwarfing any, along with its groups of protecting ships of cruisers and frigates, as well as the deadlier ships of destroyers and assault carriers, reched the icy planet to investigate what was in the icy planet.
There was already a cruiser orbitting it, and science teams on the ground. Major Prophet's ship was there. In his elaborate grav belt and robes, he got into a shuittle, along with a security force of 4 gold elites armed with plasma swords and rifles, 20 red elites armed with the deadly needlers, and 2 hunters.
Major Prophet didn't know why the armies kept ground troops, since the battles between the now xenophobic Humans is all fought in space, and their diamond warglobes fired massive blue lightning bolts at planets, fracturing them and destroying them, instead of mere glassing.
Yet they still feared a boarding party on a ship, and the Humans finding their way to the Covenant homeworlds, the Elite homeworld and the Prophet's. The shuttle, a purple/blue orb, landed in a pressurized dome.They then met the science crew. Their were some engineers, guarded by red elites, grunts, hunters, and jackals.
Some brutes were stationed along the doorways. An engineer met the Prophet. "Greetings, major Prophet", said the balloon like floating engineer.
It's purple eyes flickered. "As you can see, we have found something to our great interest", it said in it's whispery voice.
"What is it", demanded the major prophet.
"In the main chamber, we have found an alien organic ship, along with some form of stasis feild, and an occupant inside it", it said.
"Organic ship?", asked the major prophet.
A holo screen flickered up, showing a blue, smooth, shell like ship with fins coming out, the shell bristling with energy.
It then showed the stasis feild, a blue, thick, and transparent beam, between two blue, organic mechanisms on the ceiling of the chamber and the ground. There was a shadowy figure inside.
"The creature is inside the stasis feild. It isn't Forerunner, definitelly not human", said the engineer.
'Then What', thought the Major Prophet. "Our military has scanned the organic ship. It's power source is some form of hyperspace tap, somewhat lower than the human's zero point feild generators, but much more efficient. There is weaponry aboard the ship, someantineutron/ne-utron disruptor of some sort, only one of the weapon, supposedly very powerful. There aren't sheilds, but there is armor over the ship, brimming with tacyonic and electromagnetic energy", said the engineer.
A red elite came up. "With ship classifications based on engines, weapons, size, and mass, we have determined this vessel to be a cruiser", it said in a bassy voice.
The group went down to the chamber. They saw the unknown alien, it's stasis feild, and it's blue organic ship, next to the feild. They walked to the large, stasis feild, showing the skinny, blueish, three legged and two armed creature. It was suspended in air, a meter or so above the ground, its arms outstretched.
"Apparently the stasis feild doesn't slow completely time in the feild, but slows it considerably to a billionth of a second", said the engineer.
There was a panel of some sort, blue and organic, with blue, glimmering hologram panels, in alien writing. "This control panel adjusts the time for the feild. Apparently, this creature has been in for 2.453 billion years", it said.
The major prophet looked with awe and fear at the threatening creature. "We have began to translate its language. They call themselves the At'Klin. Their writing is based on certain verb roots representing-" before the engineer could finish, a red elite ran up to the control panel, its eyes wide, and began tapping the controls.
"What are you doing?!", demanded the major prophet.
The red elite still tapped, and then the blue feild went out. The alien, trapped for its billiosn fo years, fell on the ground.
The red elite began to fire its needler in all directions, kiling other elites and grunts, throwing grenades. The major prophet opened a large plasma cannon, but the At'Klin soared high into the air, came down and slashed the major prophet with it's long talons, it then jumped again, and landed near the ship.
The red elite was finally killed when a Brute slashed it in its face, but the At'Klin still ran. It reached the side of the ship, and a door of somesort opened. The troops began to fire their plasma weapons at the blue, brimming ship, but did no damage.
The ship gained altitude, and two blue lightning like beams from different fins of the ship on opposite sides converged in front of the center of the ship, and a blue bolt rapidly shot out and slammed into the side of the icy wall, creating a gaping hole. The Covenant ships, 23 cruisers, 10 destroyers, 2 assault carriers, 5 frigates, and the dreadnaught, moved into position.
The blue ship shot out and came around the icy rock planet. The Covenant ships began to charge their weapons, but the At'Klin cruiser's two thick beams came togather and fired at the ships. One bolt hit an assault carrier, and a couple more hit it until it erupted in flames and explosions.
It had a very fast firing rate. The plasma torpedoes went away, striking the ship, but did no apparent damage. The At'Klin cruiser fired more bolts until the dreandaught remained. With a firing rate of about 3 shots a second, it destroyed the dreadnaught with 16 bolts. It then formed a blue slipstream point, and was off.
Covenant Military Headquarters
Elite Homeworld Shannaquanna
10/4/2623
Gold Elite Tarso'Raq was awed at the destruction. He saw the footage as the mysterious blue ship fired at the fleet, and destroyed it with ease. It was more deadly than the Humans. But then again.... Tarso-Raq had an idea. Use a devil to fight a devil, as an old saying went. He went to his ship, a destroyer, and three escorts of cruisers. He set a cource for Jupiter.
When his ships arrived, he saw the barren system. This was supposed to be the Human's main planet, Jupiter, after Earth had been demolished. The humans came here, transformed themselves to technology, lived in diamond structures, and harvested the energy of Jupiter and zero point feilds, as well as quantum singularities.
Usually there would be a group of 40 warglobed to meet the ships, massive spherical ships with small pyramid like protrusion and made out of clear diamond bristling with energy, charging their blue lightning weapons. But only a single warglobe went up. Usually a fleet of 130 ships would come to Jupiter, but the humans knew something was wrong.
The warglobe, even though it dwarfed the cruisers, was manned by one Human, linked to his computer. The warglobe came up, and Tarso-Raq saw it charging it's sheilds, it's weapons targeting but not charging. "Link up to the warglobe", said the Gold Elite.
A human, somewhat tan, in a blue-diamond like backround, wearing a white t-shirt, and a computer link on the back of his skull, was sitting on a diamond chair with a gelllike substnace on it. He also cought on. "We need your help", said Tarso-Raq, in his bassy voice.
"What do you want", said the human, with aggressiveness in his voice.
A chill went down Tarso-Raq's spine as the diamond warglobe loomed up. "There is an unknown alien, called an At'Klin, that destroyed a fleet of 30 some ships, including a dreadnaught. It has the ability to control minds, and enslave others. It will find it's telepathic enhancers, and will enslave all of us. We must stop it", he explained.
The human looked inquisitive. Tarso-Raq sent him the footage. "Incase you are wondering, the weapon is on a moon in our main industrial center, hidden in a cave. We must sent fleet sthere", said Tarso-Raq.
"I will call for ships, but it had better not be a trap, or you will face war", said the human.
"I swear it", said the elite.
Twelve warglobes, bristling with energy, rose up from the deep clouds. "Let's go", said the human.
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Vi3tl3l3oi 023(Return of CPT CRAPPER)
2:22 am | September 13, 2003
o yea... if u can start saying shit bout writing start posting ur stories to show that ur a good writer... damn...
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Vi3tl3l3oi 023(Return of CPT CRAPPER)
2:20 am | September 13, 2003
then post ur stories.
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Sergeant B
12:39 am | September 13, 2003
Shut the hell up Kaboose. I complemented on your story man. I can also write 10/10 stories.
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Vi3tl3l3oi 023(Return of CPT CRAPPER)
2:29 am | September 11, 2003
the plots shit... other than that.... work on your sentence structure... MASSIVE BIG ASS PARAGRAPHS!
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Kaboose
10:17 pm | September 10, 2003
I bet that Brendan Harter or whatever this ass's name and Sergeant B are only saying this stuff because he can't write 1/10 as well as most people on HBO...and if you didn't know, Brendan Harter and Sergeant B are the same asswipes...
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Kaboose
7:55 pm | September 10, 2003
I was just joking dude...it was a good story...quite original..i don't recall any story being like this...9.5/10!
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Brendan Harther
7:44 pm | September 10, 2003
It sucks because the plot is ass on the toilet. Ask for help ASAP.
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MasterGrunt
11:06 am | September 10, 2003
I give it a 9.2 Why , because it's unique, different, and most of all it's not a "I'm the MasterChief. I kill Covenant. I kill flood." I dislike stories like that. AS for you Brendan Harther if you ever want to make any friends in life or even just succed you should be less critical.
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Kaboose
1:06 am | September 10, 2003
Exactly what Brendan Harther said...the plot is just shit...
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Someone2die (?12^)
12:09 am | September 10, 2003
Wtf does Brendan Harther shoved up his @$$? I liked it. Nice plot. keep it up, and watch the grammer.
=-)
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Someone2die (?12^)
12:09 am | September 10, 2003
Wtf does Brendan Harther shoved up his @$$? I mean, if you say it stinks, at least tell why. I hope EVERYONE takes this into consideration...
Anyway,I liked it. Nice plot. keep it up, and watch the grammer.
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I_Love_You_Bungie
9:25 pm | September 9, 2003
If people dont like this i dread to think what they are gonna say bout mine.The story could do with some expansion and tie it in alot more with the halo universe,after all it is fan fiction for halo.
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Alpha Lance
8:33 pm | September 9, 2003
Don't listen to them two. Besides it was good. But it's just so hard to read it with it all bunch up together, make's my eyes hurt after a while. But you could indent, but to indent you must write out indent like this, [indent], you must put the parenthesis around it. For exsample,
[indent]The Spartan steped out of the destruction, to find everyone dead.
That's how you do it. And add bold to the location, you do that like this, [b] to start bold [/b] to end bold, for exsample.
[b]0900 hours, September the 9, 2552, (military calendar)/ Earth, Echo Base.[/b]
You can do the same thing to italize, [i] to begine [/i] to end. And to get a bar to go across like this.
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Just type in [hr], it would be there atomacticaly, and it would look better.
But keep it up, 9/10, for the writting format and errors. Take care
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Wiley
8:13 pm | September 9, 2003
I thought it was pretty good. Just use a new paragraph whenever someone new speaks, and try to break up the text. It looks like one giant block.
Fix those and you'll have an alright story.
8/10
Oh, and it's called constructive criticism. Try looking into it sometime. Ass.
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Brendan Harther
7:10 pm | September 9, 2003
I don't like this. Even if it has okay grammar and spelling, it is bullshit. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
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Sergeant B
7:10 pm | September 9, 2003
It is okay but the story isn't that great. I just don't like it man. Sorry.
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