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Comments for 'Zanzibar: The Waterworks-Chapter 10' |
FOrunnER
7:30 pm | June 28, 2004
When you first started out this series it was really good for a newbie, but now you've improved even more. I see you advancing as one of the top writers around here.
I'll give this a 9/10. I hate Colonel Ackerson.
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Severian
6:25 pm | June 28, 2004
Oh, god... 343, advanced apologies for cluttering up your comment section.
romac, you obviously don't know the meaning of the word "homonculus..." It's not that offensive. I just wanted to see how people would react.
What you need to improve, romac? Develop your own style of writing. Not a lot of people here do. Which is why after so much time people still sound the same over and over.
And a piece of shameless self-advertisement: sorry bout this, 343, but other's are doing this as well... Can more people read my story on the bottom? It's called brethren. And my other story as well. the feet one.
Sorry...
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CoLd BlooDed
4:17 pm | June 28, 2004
Wow, very nicely done, 343, you're well on your way to making yourself known around here.
Your writing skill is great, and I think I only spotted one error.
Overall, great job, although this is the first I've read of the Zanzibar series. :)
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The NEW Zak
1:03 pm | June 28, 2004
I did comment, 343 Salty Beans, But it might have gotten lost in all the confusion. Your Zanzibar series are great! I loved the battle scene. Oh, and I also can't wait to see what the GIANT cliffhanger is.
10/10
The NEW Zak
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romac1991
11:33 am | June 28, 2004
*rises up from grave*
I have no potential? Normally I would get mad but your entitled to your opinion and if you think that I have none, so be it.
However you did insult me, calling me Homonculus. It pains me deeply to know that the same people who told me not to insult other people and chill out, are the same ones that insulted me the moment I left. But I'm not mad. But I do ask what "new" things in my stories do I need. Even though I have no potential I maybe could write a below average story since thats how bad I am.
romac1991
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Severian
11:20 am | June 28, 2004
I remember because he wrote them most of the time on my story comments page. As for potential, I found none. His stories improved, yeah, but there was nothing new in them.
And the word you're looking for, Zak, is "Cacogen". Or "Homonculus."
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Chuckles
4:05 am | June 28, 2004
SB
Good job. I'm impressed with how well you and others here can write this stuff in the manner of the novels. Writing an action scene like the one you did here is quite a challenge, and you make it look pretty easy.
One thing you might want to work on is letting some of your action speak for itself, rather than giving a more "forensic" account. More like a play-by-play announcer and less like a battlefield journal, if that makes any sense.
Great job.
C.T. Clown
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Wiley
2:49 am | June 28, 2004
Sorry, 343Sb, but I need to do this:
Will somebody other tahn Helljumper, adm. cole, and goldnboy(idk not looking right now) please comment on my story? I want to know that people are actually READING them before I invest the time to write them.
Once again, 343SB, sorry for doing that.
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Steele
1:53 am | June 28, 2004
Very good story, I liked it. Can't wait to see what the GIANT cliffhanger is.
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343 Salty Beans
1:37 am | June 28, 2004
Mmmm...comments involving nothing whatsoever to do with my story. What can a fellow do, though?
343SB
PS: I won't be in town from July 11-16, so don't expect any new chapters then. I'll leave a GIANT cliffhanger for you :).
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romac1991
12:12 am | June 28, 2004
*falls back into grave, never to be seen again*
romac1991
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The NEW Zak
8:49 pm | June 27, 2004
Did any of you read romac1991's last words on the site? That guy had a lot of potential, but blew it all out of the water by being so............what's the word?
The NEW Zak
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The NEW Zak
8:47 pm | June 27, 2004
Oh.
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343 Salty Beans
7:35 pm | June 27, 2004
Yeah, I told him to DIE, and he didn't take it too well. Told me I was "crossing the damn line", but I guess he didn't think that cussing every regular out, not to mention impersonating them, wasn't. So either I got my wish, or he's still pissed at me.
343SB
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The NEW Zak
6:32 pm | June 27, 2004
Hey everyone, I'm back, oh, and AWESOME story 343 Salty Beans! Oh, has anyone else noticed that twinkie has suddenly vanished?
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Sean
6:18 pm | June 27, 2004
Cool story and Young....STFU.
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Mainevent
5:06 pm | June 27, 2004
Wado would have at least spelled the name of his series correctly.
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INDUSTRIAL_aVATAR
11:00 am | June 27, 2004
P-E-R-F-E-C-T
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343 Salty Beans
4:57 am | June 27, 2004
Thanks, all. I'm writing the next installment to the series right now, I'll try and make it even better.
343SB
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Tupac Amaru Shakur
3:57 am | June 27, 2004
Great Story Dogg. Loved it.
-----------------------------
I wish I could take tha pain away
If you can make it through tha night, there's a brighter day
everything'll be alright if ya hold on
it's a struggle
everyday gotta roll on
and there's no way I can pay ya back
but my plan is ta show ya that I understand
you are appreciated.......
--------------------------------
And although it seems heaven sent,
we ain't ready to see a black President, uhh.
It ain't a secret don't conceal the fact...
the penitentiary's packed, and it's filled with blacks.
But some things will never change.
Try to show another way, but they stayin' in the dope game.
Now tell me what's a mother to do?
Bein' real don't appeal to the brother in you.
You gotta operate the easy way.
"I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way.
Sellin' crack to the kids. "I gotta get paid,"
Well hey, well that's the way it is.
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ZePHyR wRaiTH
2:27 am | June 27, 2004
Best chapter so far in my view. But i keep wondering- Where's James?
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Sherlock Holmes
2:08 am | June 27, 2004
Right... The comment was STILL too short. You're not Wado, huh, TWINKIE!!!!!
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Wado
12:29 am | June 27, 2004
It appears that someone is impersonating me, that comment down there was NOT me, I did advertise once, then stopped. The story was very detailed and great. Keep it up.
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SeverianofUrth
10:33 pm | June 26, 2004
Again, a great addition to an already great series. I have nothing more to say than that.
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Wiley
9:43 pm | June 26, 2004
Just doing my civic duty, Cold.
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343 Salty Beans
8:56 pm | June 26, 2004
I read your series, finally, after you bugged me so much to do it. Not bad, really good, actually. But you made a lot of choppy sentences in it...not too good. So now will you stop bugging me, Wado? It's getting to be a pain in the arse; I want feedback, not references to some other story.
343SB
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CoLd BlooDed
8:29 pm | June 26, 2004
Yeah, I don't think that is the real Wado either, I just didn't want to voice myself. But thank you Wiley, because Wado doesn't act like this.
343, I have to get off the computer now. But I'll be sure to read your story later on today.
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343 Salty Beans
7:30 pm | June 26, 2004
Oh, and thanks to Guardian, too.
343SB
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343 Salty Beans
7:28 pm | June 26, 2004
Thanks, Gunna. Don't worry about Wado, he's being a dork for some reason. I'm not sure if it's really him.
343SB
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Young Gunna
7:01 pm | June 26, 2004
BTW, I read the first maybe 4 paragraphs of his archon series and stopped because of something.
[i] [Pan down from the stars blah blah blah to a ship with the letters Section 147 written across it] [/i]
Dude, this isn't play or a movie script.
Wonder when the next installment of the series is coming.
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Wiley
6:50 pm | June 26, 2004
I don't think that is Wado....all the posts are WAY too short.
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Young Gunna
5:54 pm | June 26, 2004
Also Wado once again as someone else said in another story, STOP ADVERTISING YOUR WORK! This isn't your comments board if you think that he is overrated don't go say "I think he is overrated you should read my story and compare" If a writer boasts his work he is degrading himself and his works. Talk about your stories in their comment boards.
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Young Gunna
5:51 pm | June 26, 2004
Hmmm, good stories... One of the best I've read since I started reading stories... (Yesterday)
I've read three majorly long stories the last one Sean wrote and his one before that. (Newbishly written might I add) Can't wait till the next chapter!
9.9/10 (9.9 because you keep me so anxious with all the cliffhangers :-)
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Wado
5:04 pm | June 26, 2004
I really think you're all over-rating this '343 Salty Beans.' My Archaon series was very popular, and you should take a look and compare.
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Guardian
2:49 pm | June 26, 2004
That was beast!, and yea i think i know about the last part of the fic. i know its from somewhere else i read or it might be what you said Fall of Reach (book)that you mentioned. Ackerson is a selfish bastard who deserves no better, than to be handed an AR and sent to the front lines to feel and see what the Spartans feel everytime they go into battle.
and i severly doubt Ackerson can stand to that...coward!
Nice story, they're very interesting to read and nor are they in anyway, bad or newbishly written.
10/10
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Dave Luck
2:44 pm | June 26, 2004
Great stuff again....
I think Cortana is a sneaky hacker.
Yup. Cortana, always bugging (pun intended) the Colonel Ackerson.
I think that the Chief should challenge the colonel to a duel, beat him up, and take all of his money, buy a spaceship, and go out and kick some -CENSORED- Accross the glaxy.
Ackerson IS like Josef Stalin. Lurking in the back, waiting for his opportunity to take over and rise to the top. The only hope to stop him - THE SPARTANS!!!
- Dave.
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