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Comments for 'An Even War:Part 3:Victory' |
oliver twist
7:30 pm | June 11, 2004
Hey Tman, I agree with you it was the coolest.
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Tman
12:36 am | June 11, 2004
What the hell, I've created a double of my other comment...sorry...if it matters.
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Tman
12:27 am | June 11, 2004
Unlike those other evil dudes I liked your story. I thought it was very inteligent.
It is kind of true about bunching up every thing but it was an exelent story.
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Tman
12:27 am | June 11, 2004
Unlike those other evil dudes I liked your story. I thought it was very inteligent.
It is kind of true about bunching up every thing but it was an exelent story.
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Hawk7886
10:43 pm | December 22, 2003
Taking Mainevent's points into consideration, I would still like to critique part of the story.
It's called the 'Unyeilding Heirophant'.
Whenever someone speaks, their message goes into it's own paragraph. You bunched them all up into HUGE blocks of text; like Mainevent pointed out.
"Hello, Fred" said a female voice in his head. "Cortana!" exclaimed Fred, Cortana stifled a giggle "Yes it's me Fred no time for questions I've hacked into one of our long range probes and dectect multiple Covenant ships massing at....the Sol system"
Okay . . . Part One:
"Hello, Fred" said a female voice in his head. "Cortana!" exclaimed Fred . . ."
Cortana's life expectancy would have made her expire almost ten years earlier.
"Yes it's me Fred no time for questions I've hacked into one of our long range probes and dectect multiple Covenant ships massing at....the Sol system"
That entire 'sentence' makes it look like Cortana's trying to tell him the Covenant's entire caste system in two hours. It also makes her look unintelligent since she can't speak in complete sentences. . .
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Mainevent
9:36 pm | December 22, 2003
Well, you started out with sentences and stuff that looked like you were trying to space it, but then it just turned into one big jumble of words.
I got pretty turned off and quit reading right there.
If you don't take the time to read and implement the pseudocode, I'm not taking the time to read and implement my critiques.
Nothing personal, but if you want to get anywhere here, you have to use the pseudocode or be one hell of a writer to have name recognition.
Also, are your parts broken up into sub-sections?
If not, take out the Part 3 part, and just put An Even War: Victory
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