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Comments for 'Survival Grounds parts 1-2' |
Traumatised Marine
1:41 pm | February 7, 2003
Paragraphs will make this story much more enjoyable to read!
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matt^
9:56 pm | February 6, 2003
Well, i've already wrote 3 more Chapters and in them you do find out the persons history. And, on my style of writing I might attempt to add a few paragraph spacings but not that many. Thanks for your opinions.
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Wado
6:36 pm | February 6, 2003
The story flowed nicely, but like harley said, you need some paragraphs and indents. The long blocks of text are harder to read. Paragraphs give the readers a chance to catch their breath.
I'd say this is a good start, I suggest that if you are going to write in the first person that somewhere you give the reader a heads up on who you are. A short introduction at the beginning helps but you can be creative and add it into the story be having another call you by your name or simply describing what the character sees in the mirror.
Also, watch out for story items that might not make too much sense on a combat vessel. You don't just leave a shotgun lying around for someone to take, it should be locked down with the rest of the weapons. Exceptions would be if you happened to have your own personal weapon, like an old sawed off double barrelled one, but even then it should be locked down while in transit.
I hope these comments help. Keep writing, I enjoyed the story.
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matt^
3:22 pm | February 6, 2003
Oops just realized in under this name.. not my forum name matt-halo, so ill start using this one, matt^
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matt-halo
3:20 pm | February 6, 2003
Ahh I just have a weird type of writing I guess. Its obvous is some sections and this is my first real story i've put out in the public, ill be sending in more chapters unless no one likes it :(
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harley
11:03 pm | February 5, 2003
you need paragraphs and indents
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moniter101
10:54 pm | February 5, 2003
kool story!
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