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Comments for 'Halo Trilogy: The Fight for Earth (Prologue)' |
yeti
2:18 am | April 26, 2004
and about some spellng in that post, the ''i'' key on my PC is actng up. ok?
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Yeti
2:13 am | April 26, 2004
whats a "Ginsu 9000 "? and what Kaboose sad, pretty much sums it up, and here t is, for your vewing pleasure....
1.Master Cheif[MC]'s is actually Eirandus Two not earth. He also makes Reach his real home because he was trained there most of his life.
Question[Q]#1-are you basing your story on Halo
2 orriginally (Spelt Wrong!) or are you making your own version of what happens for Halo 2[H2].(i am basing my ground from the oringinal (Spelt Wrong!) H2)
2.try to be (Bad Grammar!) a little more detail with your story in that you make the reader more related with everything. Describe about the Covenant, situation around your character, the character themselves, Marines, how people die, what goes on during battle, etc.
3.Read the books [Halo:the Fall of Reach/HtFoR and Flood/HtF] Read also other Fanfic to see how they are descriptive. Whatch (Spelt Wrong!) war movies or read books to see how Military personnel act around each other. Like 'yes sir' for Marines response. also watch Halo carefully aswell to see how the Marines act too.
4.MC could not have made it to Earth in a couple of days because the Long sword has no slip-stream drive and it mostlikely would take months to travel to earth even in a regular ship with slipstream. Therefore it would have at least been the next year for the attack on earth. also, MC arrives at Halo on September 19 or so.
5.the main battle rifle used by mainly the Soldiers so far is the new Battle rifle or the KAL 9.5mmx40.
Q#2-Is Shadow trained like MC at Reach or was he trained on earth.(his character seems like Solid Snake from METAL GEAR SOLID :-)) Also, he did not seem very military to me as he did not really chat like one with the Spec Ops. Also, Seargent Kelly didn't seem hard core military eather (Spelt wrong!). Just my opinion.
**If a guy doesn't chat with the Spec Ops, that doesn't mean that he's not military...he may just be a quiet guy...**
6.Your story was fast and not that specific. try specifics.
This is all I could think of right now, but I hope that this helps you. I did enjoyed your story. My story is "Marines: Rise from the Fall". I don't know if you read it yet. Contact me and I try to help you some for Halo info. I hope this helps you write a better story. Continue the work. :)
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Alpha Lance
7:41 am | November 1, 2003
Hmm...strange on how this is my first one. Maybe you should get more up to date instead of trying to insault me back here where I rarely check.
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riot
9:02 pm | October 27, 2003
oh and i still haven't gotten kicked off this site.. strange..
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riot
8:59 pm | October 27, 2003
with all the advice you've been given, it seems that your grammar and your storytelling abilities have actually gotten worse. good job.
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Delta117
3:56 am | September 2, 2003
Oh, Kaboose. I was tired of retyping my advice. Second, If you read my story you would know I have bad grammar(whatever it is spelled like). I am not saying I perfect; just advising like the rest of the crew. Though, what do you write?
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Alpha Lance
10:15 pm | September 1, 2003
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
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Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
10:15 pm | September 1, 2003
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy©
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Alpha Lance
6:12 pm | August 30, 2003
God!!!
It wrote on my story like these
I was trained in the spartan II =(
But I'm getting aol tomarrow. =^)
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Walker
11:09 am | August 30, 2003
just wondering: who here likes Steve McQueen movies?
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Alpha Lance
12:34 am | August 30, 2003
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Alpha Lance
12:25 am | August 30, 2003
GOD!!!
I didn't won't to type "I was trained in the Spartan II. :(
I wanted t type
"I was trained in the Spartan II =(
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Alpha Lance
12:16 am | August 30, 2003
Chapter one sudmited. And for some reason, my damn
spacebar won't work. I sit there and indeant when
I'm writting, but when I previwe it. It won't
indeant, and then for somae reason, some of the
word will not be in the right place. For exsample,
"I was trained in the Spartan II =(
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Alpha Lance
7:46 pm | August 29, 2003
Thanks Kaboose, and atleast you like my Shadow idea. But you won't find out his real idenity until the end of the end of this series. But you
can try to figure out his real name atleast.
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Kaboose
2:40 pm | August 29, 2003
DUDE, how do you know that Alpha Lance doesn't pay attention in class? Just because he had some errors in it doesn't mean that he doesn't pay attention in class...what do you want from him? Perfection?
Note: I thought that adding Shadow to the story was a good thing...it adds a little suspense to it...well..that's my ranting for the day...L8R
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Kaboose
2:31 pm | August 29, 2003
Delta117
4:00 AM | August 27, 2003
Well Alpha Lance,
I rate you a 8.5/10. The story good for a first time. I don't mind helping out with details so if you want to contact me about Halo details just mail me a Clark183@juno.com.
Now, Halo corrections.
First of all, there was a lot of grammor (Spelt Wrong!) wrong. Try to ask for someone's help. I have help too.
Halo-
1.Master Cheif[MC]'s is actually Eirandus Two not earth. He also makes Reach his real home because he was trained there most of his life.
Question[Q]#1-are you basing your story on Halo
2 orriginally (Spelt Wrong!) or are you making your own version of what happens for Halo 2[H2].(i am basing my ground from the oringinal (Spelt Wrong!) H2)
2.try to be (Bad Grammar!) a little more detail with your story in that you make the reader more related with everything. Describe about the Covenant, situation around your character, the character themselves, Marines, how people die, what goes on during battle, etc.
3.Read the books [Halo:the Fall of Reach/HtFoR and Flood/HtF] Read also other Fanfic to see how they are descriptive. Whatch (Spelt Wrong!) war movies or read books to see how Military personnel act around each other. Like 'yes sir' for Marines response. also watch Halo carefully aswell to see how the Marines act too.
4.MC could not have made it to Earth in a couple of days because the Long sword has no slip-stream drive and it mostlikely would take months to travel to earth even in a regular ship with slipstream. Therefore it would have at least been the next year for the attack on earth. also, MC arrives at Halo on September 19 or so.
5.the main battle rifle used by mainly the Soldiers so far is the new Battle rifle or the KAL 9.5mmx40.
Q#2-Is Shadow trained like MC at Reach or was he trained on earth.(his character seems like Solid Snake from METAL GEAR SOLID :-)) Also, he did not seem very military to me as he did not really chat like one with the Spec Ops. Also, Seargent Kelly didn't seem hard core military eather (Spelt wrong!). Just my opinion.
**If a guy doesn't chat with the Spec Ops, that doesn't mean that he's not military...he may just be a quiet guy...**
6.Your story was fast and not that specific. try specifics.
This is all I could think of right now, but I hope that this helps you. I did enjoyed your story. My story is "Marines: Rise from the Fall". I don't know if you read it yet. Contact me and I try to help you some for Halo info. I hope this helps you write a better story. Continue the work. :)
**What's with people and advertising their stories on other people's stories?**
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Alpha Lance
9:45 pm | August 28, 2003
Dude, I'm 14, and I make very good grades in
school. And also, I'm a very hard working person.
I cut my grandpa yard and my mom's yard at the
same time. I also work on a farm, but this is my
first time writting if you notice. But thank
you for the "keep it up" comment. And I also want
to thank everyone for using constructive critism,
and for not geting on my back, and saying stuff
like this suck. And I also like to thank everyone
for atucully reading my story, and I'm not the
best of spellers.
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DUDE
9:16 pm | August 28, 2003
How old are you? I strongly suggest you start paying more attention in class if you are still in school. Another thing, spell check is wonderful...but learning some words is not a very hard thing to do, most people are simply too lazy. Take the time and reap the rewards. Great storyline, keep it up.
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Alpha Lance
9:14 pm | August 28, 2003
Well I would like to thank everone that read my
story. And notice there are some confusion. It
like this, when I was writting this, I didn't
write what I've plane to write. I had to go some-
where important, and I tryed to finish berfore
I had to leave. I guess i just should have write
it latter.
And Delta, let me answere some of your guestions.
1)I'm basing this on my own ideas, but I use some
of the names from Halo 2, like Earth City.
2)Shadow was trained on Earth several years after
the Spartan I project.
And as for Shadow. He's name is kinda like a nick-
name. You will get more details in Chapter I.
Delta, I have read both Halo books, twice. And I
also didn't really *cough* know that the Long
Sword *cough* had a slip stream. And pluse I
didn't really say that Sergeant kelly was hard-
core.
But I am sorry for some of the confusion in the
story. And look for my Chapter I: Take Back What
is Ours. I going to write it tomarrow.
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Phalamx3580
7:19 pm | August 28, 2003
Spell check!!!! but besides that i like it
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FOrunnER
3:23 am | August 28, 2003
I pretty much agee with everyone else. Grammar, specifics, ect. I'll give it a 7/10 but I know you can do better. By the way, read my Spartan III series you could give your on input on my stories.
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J-117
10:50 pm | August 27, 2003
love it man u got potentional, just one thing: SPELL CHECK PLEASE. there was MC and sundeenly there was shadow?
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Libracross
5:45 pm | August 27, 2003
Hmm...it's good and all but there are a few speeling errors. Just ta let ya know. Other than that, I really liked it.
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Hunter_Killer
11:26 am | August 27, 2003
E-Mail me at jlp8118@sbcglobal.net
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Hunter_Killer
11:24 am | August 27, 2003
Shit, It looks like I didn't post anything before. I hate this stupid Computer! =(
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Walker
11:20 am | August 27, 2003
delta seems to have it all covered with spelling and grammar and such. the story has a good beginning, which is important. 9.2/10.
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Hunter_Killer
11:18 am | August 27, 2003
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Hikaru-119
11:15 am | August 27, 2003
Delta117 Has just about everything you really need to work. But one question, who and what the heck is Shadow? There's no real description of this character. You should give the reader info about this person and his involvment. That would help alot. Another question, are you basing this on Legenary difficulty or something inaccurate like normal?
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Delta117
3:00 am | August 27, 2003
Well Alpha Lance,
I rate you a 8.5/10. The story good for a first time. I don't mind helping out with details so if you want to contact me about Halo details just mail me a Clark183@juno.com.
Now, Halo corrections.
First of all, there was a lot of grammor wrong. Try to ask for someone's help. I have help too.
Halo-
1.Master Cheif[MC]'s is actually Eirandus Two not earth. He also makes Reach his real home because he was trained there most of his life.
Question[Q]#1-are you basing your story on Halo 2 orriginally or are you making your own version of what happens for Halo 2[H2].(i am basing my ground from the oringinal H2)
2.try to be a little more detail with your story in that you make the reader more related with everything. Describe about the Covenant, situation around your character, the character themselves, Marines, how people die, what goes on during battle, etc.
3.Read the books [Halo:the Fall of Reach/HtFoR and Flood/HtF] Read also other Fanfic to see how they are descriptive. Whatch war movies or read books to see how Military personnel act around each other. Like 'yes sir' for Marines response. also watch Halo carefully aswell to see how the Marines act too.
4.MC could not have made it to Earth in a couple of days because the Long sword has no slip-stream drive and it mostlikely would take months to travel to earth even in a regular ship with slipstream. Therefore it would have at least been the next year for the attack on earth. also, MC arrives at Halo on September 19 or so.
5.the main battle rifle used by mainly the Soldiers so far is the new Battle rifle or the KAL 9.5mmx40.
Q#2-Is Shadow trained like MC at Reach or was he trained on earth.(his character seems like Solid Snake from METAL GEAR SOLID :-)) Also, he did not seem very military to me as he did not really chat like one with the Spec Ops. Also, Seargent Kelly didn't seem hard core military eather. Just my opinion.
6.Your story was fast and not that specific. try specifics.
This is all I could think of right now, but I hope that this helps you. I did enjoyed your story. My story is "Marines:Rise from the Fall". I don't know if you read it yet. Contact me and I try to help you some for Halo info. I hope this helps you write a better story. Continue the work. :)
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