Thoughts of a Marine
Posted By: stan<stanrl@lycos.com>
Date: 15 August 2003, 11:41 AM
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Fifteen miles until we stop. We've been on a hard march for two hours now and we've only covered five miles. We've got fifteen to go. I'll do it, I have to do it, if I stop or fall I'll just be dragged up and pushed along. It's easier if I just do it on my own. Twenty miles is a long time to think.
You don't think about walking, you never think about walking. You didn't think about walking when you took your first step at age 1 and you don't think about walking now. You don't think about the pain, the pain is like the walking, you don't remember the last time it wasn't there. You think about the war, you think about the battles you've fought in, you think about this thing, this ring world you're hiking on. You think about your friends. Enemies.
I've seen hundreds of those damned little aliens running around in the last five days. They're all the same. They wear masks. No personality, see, they don't know it but it makes them easier to kill. They have no faces, even if they did I wouldn't remember them. I don't remember faces anymore. I remember details. I remember the odd shape of a bullet scar I found on a tree the other day. It looked like a dog. Things like that, that's what I remember. I remember them, but I don't think they are real. Right now I'm marching, that's real. My feet hurt, that's real. But that's not what I'm thinking about. I don't want reality. Reality is this damned war. Reality is the damned covenant. My race is fighting for survival, and we're losing that's reality and I don't want to think about that.
You think about home. Going home. That's what I'm thinking about right now. Home isn't the Earth. Maybe in a sense but I wasn't born there. I think it would be nice to go there. Maybe after the war is over. If it's over. I think about my family, seeing my childhood friends, my parents. I think things will be different if I get back, but I don't care. It'll better than this. I can't be here any longer, I need to be home. I've seen enough hills enough grass enough covenant. On the ship it was different.
This is my first deployment I haven't seen any action. Sure, the ship was involved in battles but I wasn't. I stayed out of the way. Actually I thought a lot. I used to think about what my first real fight would be like. How I would react. I used to wonder if I was strong enough. Mentally, physically, could I handle it. I used to think that no matter how well trained I was, none of it would matter when the shooting starts. Now none of that does matter, I've been there, I've seen it firsthand and I don't like it I want to go home.
The Sergeant said a Spartan was here. I've never seen a Spartan, I don't know much about them. They say the Spartans can turn the tide of the war. They say the Spartans are our salvation. Could be. They say the Spartans can kill more efficiently than any twenty normal humans. They say one Spartan took out an entire division of covenant. I know these are exaggerations, but there may be some truth to them. I mean I know they've been augmented, I know they are faster then me and smarter and stronger. I know they've been trained to kill and protect the rest of us since they were young, I know that is what they do. I know that and if that's so than why am I here?
I kill because if I don't I get killed they kill because that's what they do. See I walk because that's what I do, they kill because that's what they do. They don't think about it, they just do it. I think about it. Too much, I think about it and it's messing with my head. They are our salvation and it's time to save me. I want to go home.
Maybe there will be a Spartan at the next battle maybe I'll fight with one see one first hand. Maybe we can beat these bastards and get off this planet back on the ship back on the way home. I wonder what he'll be like; I wonder if he is really our salvation. I hope.
My feet hurt. I don't think about my feet anymore. I think about the Spartan, and home. I've got fourteen miles to think.
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