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Its Just One of Those Days: 02
Posted By: Elfster<briane@teleport.com>
Date: 15 June 2003, 10:56 PM
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"So you brought me here to open a jar of pickles."
"Yes, sir."
"WOULD YOU QUIT SAYING THAT!?"
"No, sir."
Episode 02 - And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... or atleast some of you have...
Episode 02 - The Kitchen
"These pickles arent the real reason I brought you here, Chief." Keyes continued.
"Well than what's my real mission?"
"To open this jar of pickles."
"But you just said that wasn't my real mission."
"It isn't."
"Well than what IS my real mission?"
"I just said, to open this jar of pickles for me.."
"I should've never signed that contract with Bungie..."
"You're real mission is to infiltrate the kitchen, neutralize hostile ground forces and/or cover fire until marines can set these explosives."
"...... What?....." The Cheif stammered a bit.
"Oh ya and open this jar of pickles for me while you're at it."
"I hate this job."
"General Vague will be accompanying you to the kitchen to help you on your mission."
"General Who? "
"Cheif, if I've told you once I've told you a million times: Get your ears checked!"
"Thats actually the millionth and 4 time today captain."
"Huh?"
"Oh, nothing."
"Ahh, General Vague, you arrived just in time," Keyes seemed to be looking over the cheif's shoulder. "Cheif, the General will inform you further on your mission, now go! They wont hold much longer!"
"Uhh... Riiight..."
5 Minutes Later
"Ok Cheif, heres the story: Here at some random military base in the middle of nowhere somewhere on Earth we've had some troubles in the kitchens. It seems people have been refusing their duties to clean out the frige."
"..........."
Like I was saying, lifeforms in the frige have now began to mutate into a parasitic lifeform thats proven to be deadly."
"And I thought the food AFTER it was cooked was bad..."
"This parasitic lifeform infested all food and such of the kind in the frige and has made monstrosities beyond belief."
"You mean like my mom?"
"Ya something like tha-... What?"
"Oh, nothing."
Look, Cortana, im just not calling him GeneraL Vague. It's like... Embarrasing. Why do I have to put up with this shit? He said to Cortana through his neural implants.
Anything I can do about it, Sexy?
Ya there is - Quit calling me that! How would you like it if all of the sudden I started calling YOU sexy?
Oh yeah, now you're catchin onto my way of thinkin, Sexy.
Ohhh jeez. You know what, I shouldn't have even gone there, just drop it.
"Ok man, when we go in there, I'm the man, you do what I say, and you don't get in my way, is that clear?" the Cheif continued.
"Yes Si-"
"DONT!!!!!"
"Huh?"
"Oh, nothing, General... General... Uhh... Whats you're name again?"
"Vague, sir."
"Why do I have to put up with this shit?"
"Should I take that as an insult, boy?"
"Take it however you like. No shit you should take it as an insult. How'd you ever get promoted to general?"
"Well it was way back when I was just a private, working on the Pillar of Autumn as security, but that was before you're time. Anyways, like I was saying. When the Covenant began attacking the ship I saved a man's life by getting him out of the way of an incoming plasma grenade."
"Whoa... really?"
"No, but it sounded cool didnt it?"
"Who the hell is recruiting these people!?"
-in The Kitchen-
"Whoa sonovabitch, and I thought my mom's cooking was bad." said the cheif as he entered the kitchen and began helping the marines.
He took a closer look and realized something - These werent the killer veggies in little kid's nightmares. The Flood had come into creation right in this fricking kitchen! Damn. I'm never complaining about my girlfriend's cooking again, he thought to himself.
"Alright, plant the explosives and lets blow this joint."
"What!! There's joints here? Tight! How much?"
The Cheif smacked himself on the forehead.
"Just plant the explosives, General.... General... Oh screw it."
"Yes, si-"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the Cheif yelled, he jumped on the General, un-suspectingly saving him from an incoming infested carrot.
"Whoa! oh my god, sir, you saved my life!"
"Huh?"
"Sir, the explosives are planted, we better get outa here."
"Uhh... Ook..."
-look for more Its Just One of Those Days episodes coming soon to a browser near you =) Sorry that this chapter was a little shorter than the last. Almost too short to be submitted, started running out of funny ideas. I hope you like it all, posted comments are welcome )
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